Saturday, December 27, 2008

Someone slap this bitch awake! PLEASE!

I don't know about you, but I think she deserves a bitch slap or two, doesn't she?

http://adibahahmad.blogspot.com/

Even if she doesn't believe in Prophet Muhammad, does she really need to insult him and the people who believe?

Dem...~

Just see it for yourself.

P/s:Thanks to Ismat for the info.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The perfect way to say "OMG You're so fat" to a stranger

I've been at my brother's house for the past few days and will be staying there until the semester starts.

I've been wanting to watch Yes Man, so I went out to KLCC to watch it during midnight yesterday.

I pressed the elevator button, and waited. After a couple of minutes, It opened, and there was a family of five already inside. There were a mom, two very hot sisters, a brother, and a small boy probably six years old. Cute.

Though it happened so fast, I can see that when the elevator door was opening, the mum took a quick look at me, her eyes rested a moment at my stomach, and by the way she looked, I can tell that she was quite surprised to see my stomach. Then she withdrew her gaze.

Then, I noticed that a couple of seconds later, she stared AGAIN at my stomach..

The young kid suddenly said this:


Boy: Mak, lambat la lif ni. Aiman nak mainan.

Mom: Sabar eh.. Nanti dah sampai kat rumah Mak cik Rosnah Aiman main la dengan pregnant Aiman. Eh I mean mainan.


The elevator door opened, and I left the elevator.

While I was walking, I can't help of thinking

"Do I look like a pregnant mom to you....??"

Dem, woman.....

It must be because of my pair of 34D man-boobs and the size of my stomach that made her think that I'm a pregnant mom.

Haish.......


Note to self: Diet!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Photo caption contest.

This will be the first contest I ever organized.

Thanks to Kak Yuni, my sister-in-law for sponsoring the prize.

Wanna win two GSC Movie Ticket Voucher that you can exchange to ANY MOVIE TICKETS at GSC Alamanda Putrajaya until 14 March 2009?







Then come up with the best photo caption for the picture below!







The funniest photo caption wins!


The rules:

1)The caption must consist of only 1 SENTENCE. Come up extra and you'll be disqualified without remorse.

2)Open to all Malaysian blog readers currently in Malaysia, except my immediate family member. They can submit their photo caption, but will not be judged though. If they insist, their entry will be disqualified without remorse.

3)Submit your caption, complete with contact details (name, email address, phone number) via my email: jackmama.mia@gmail.com . Any entries submitted elsewhere will be disqualified without remorse.

4)Closing date: 31st DECEMBER 2008 at 2359 hrs Malaysian time. Submit any later then you'll be disqualified without remorse.

5)Only 1 prize is available, which is the winner, who will win both tickets. So you would want to think up something really funny.

Get your creative juices flowing, guys!

Good luck!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Nashrah tagged me so.... here goes...

35 littl​e secre​ts

​Be hones​t no matte​r what!​


Who was your last text from?
- Florey D. Mikil. Haven't met her since last sem.

Where​ was your defau​lt pic taken​?​
-While I interviewed for AirAsia to do Pilot Cadet. Turned down the offer though.. Too many hot chicks can be lethal for my education.

Are you a happy​ perso​n?
-Yep.

Your relat​ionsh​ip statu​s?
-Single, available, and still virgin. Wakaka...

Have you ever lost a close​ frien​d?​
-Yep. Good riddance.

What is your curre​nt mood?
-Happy. I think

What'​s one of your siste​rs names​?
-Aida

What'​ s your favor​ite color​?
-green

If you could​ go back in time and chang​e somet​hing,​ would​ you?
-Nope. 

Have a crazy​ side?
-I am already crazy, so a crazy side for me must be my normal side. My friends would think my normal side is crazy though... I don't know why...Maybe they've got used to my crazy side, it's a normal thing for them....hahaha

Ever had a near death​ exper​ience​?​
-Yep.  Nearly crashed with a speeeding BMW on my way to Teregganu last two weeks.

Who Did You Last Hug?
-It has been so long I can't remember. Nobody loves me :'(  Hahahaha. no lah. Azli kot. Time lepak KL aritu.

Are you mad at anyon​e right​ now?
-Nope.

What'​s stopp​ing you from going​ for the perso​n you like?
-She thinks I can't be a serious dude. Oi! I can have the wisdow of a thousand year old guy while still acting like a child....!

When is the last time you cried​?​
-Last solat Jumaat. The Imam read Surah Al Waqiah so beautifully it made me cry. Ohh..The Beauty of Jannah.... The Torments of Hell....When you get what the Ayat means, pleasing Ayats make you cry of joy, warnings make you fear of Azab.

Who would​ you do anyth​ing for?
-People I love. And Friends. 

Are you happy​ with your life?​
-Yep

Whats​ your favor​ite numbe​r?
-number Slevin. haha. Seven.

Is there​ someo​ne that you will never​ stop lovin​g?​
-maybe. not gonna tell you.

Is it attra​ctive​ to you when a guy/girl smoke​s?​
-depends on what she's smokin. ;P 

Do you get scare​d easil​y?​
-Yes. Especially when committing myself to something. And ghosts..

Do you speak​ any other​ langu​age?
-hmm..Lemme see... Malay, English, a lil bit of Jawa, a tiny bit Japanese, and a whole library of Foul Language. 


Do you have any pets?​
-Nope. Too lazy to take care of things.

Descr​ibe your life in one word?​
-normal

Have you ever kisse​d in the rain?​
-Nope.

What are you think​ing of right​ now?
-How to answer this question ah...? Aiyah...

What shoul​d you be doing​ right​ now?
-Watch Mtv. 

Who are you think​ing of right​ now?
-Najib Tun Razak. don't ask me why.

What are you liste​ning to?
-Snow Patrol - how to be dead.

Who was the last perso​n you told I love you to?
-Ehem2

Who was the last perso​n who you yelle​d at?
-can't recall.

Do you act diffe​rentl​y aroun​d the perso​n you like?
-Nope. I be myself. 

What is your natur​al hair color​?​
-black

Who was the last perso​n to make you smile​?​
-The person who introduced Russel Peters to me.

Who am i tagging next?
-Nadzrah and you, if you like.

Friday, December 12, 2008

A letter to God 2

Dear Allah,

Thank you for answering my prayers...

Next time I'm at one of your houses, I'm gonna give some donations. And I'm not gonna screw it up again.
Thank you again...!

Your servant,
Safwan

Vote for my engrish pic!

Remember the engrish picture about the feet pampering and all that?

(Scroll down a bit and you'll see the post)

I'm pleased to say that it made through the first selection!

WIN!

But I need votes from the readers so that it made through all the way to the actual post.....

Please vote for me.... [click here]

Please.... With two cherry on top please....?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Why Learning Grammar is Important.

This is why learning grammar is important.

So kids, don't skive off schools, or else, you'll become like the people who made this advertisement.........







BECOUSE????

TRUSTERED???

My God, the grammar alone can give a teacher heart attack........

But the cherry on top has to be this.


"Want to pampers your 'feet?' "



Thanks to them, I'm thinking about my body parts other than my feet.

Monday, December 8, 2008

A little girl I once knew

The trip to Terengganu really brought back a lot of memory of me growing up..

It happened when my mum asked me to drive her to Pasar Payang that made me reminisce of a little girl I once knew.

The only thing I can't remember is her name. I have a big problem at that department.

****************************

I was 10 at that time.

Every Saturday morning, I used to learn Al Quran recitation in my dad's friend's school, Atta'wuniah Al Jadidah somethingsomething (I forgot). The coolest thing about this place is, they offer pick up service from your house to the school. This is so that the parents can't complain of being too busy to send their children to learn Al Quran.

The driver that always used to pick me up was Pak Awang, but since it is Terengganu, people call him Pok Wang.

I was the only student he had to pick up for Saturday mornings, until one fateful day.

After picking me up, he would go to Pasar Kedai Payang to pick up this one little girl. She's so small you could have easily mistaken her for an elf. She was roughly around 5 at that time.

The thing was, I hate it. I hate having to wait to pick her up.

Saturday mornings at Pasar Payang is a heart attack waiting to happen. Literally. That place is so packed up, the traffic jam alone is enough to cause a healthy people hypertension, Diabetes and severe depression.. Wait till you smell the stench.

After a couple of weeks, only then I started to talk to her. And she initiated the conversation. If she hadn't I would no have known her at all.



Her: Abang, Abang belajar baca Al Quran dah sampai mana?

Me: (Proudly) Abang dah baca sampai Surah Ali Imran. Adik?

Her: Adik baru sampai Iqra 6. Nanti adik naik Al Quran besar, adik nak kejar Abang. Kita lumba siapa khatam dulu!

Me: Hahaha...Ok ok... ermm Adik, abang nak tanya satu bole?

Her: Apa?

Me: Kenapa Pok Wang kena ambik adik kat Pasar Payang? Kenapa tak ambik kat rumah?

Her: Ooo... tu sebab pak cik adik jual sayur kat situ... Pagi pagi kena buka kedai awal awal. Pak cik kata banyak berkat pagi pagi. Allah tolong orang rajin.

Me: Betul. Adik duduk dengan Pak cik? Mak ayah mana?

Her: Mak ayah dah takde.

Me: InnalillahuwainnaIlaihirajiun....

Her: Mak ayah adik meninggal 2 minggu lepas. Rumah adik terbakar. Pagi pagi lagi. Mak, ayah, abang, semua meninggal. Adik sorang je yang selamat. (On the verge of tears.)

Me: Sabar eh dik....

Her: Mak adik sempat selamatkan adik. Lepas tu, dia masuk balik dalam rumah sebab abang dengan ayah terkunci dalam bilik lain. Tapi lepas dia masuk, rumah runtuh.

Adik boleh dengar diorang menjerit.


Pak cik cakap, kalau adik sayang arwah keluarga adik, adik kena banyak buat amal. Ustaz cakap amal anak soleh dan solehah boleh buat mak, ayah dengan abang masuk syurga. Adik nak baca Al Quran rajin rajin.


Adik tak nak diorang kena bakar lagi dalam neraka. Cukuplah diorang kena bakar dekat dunia.


Me: Adik, sabar eh? Ni ujian Allah. Allah tak uji kita kalau Dia tahu kita tak boleh tahan...

Her: Adik tau. Adik sayang mak, ayah dengan abang.


***************************************************************

It touched me.

For a girl so small, so young, so frail looking, so vulnerable, she had to endure a grown up's burden.

I feel sorry for her...


************************************

I would like to extend my deepest condolences to Nashrah for her grandmother's demise and In, for the loss of her mother.

Semoga roh mereka berada dikalangan orang orang yang mendapat rahmat Allah.





p/s: She beat me in the Khatam Quran Race. I khatam-ed for the first time in my life only this semester. Don't ask why.....

Well, better late than never...... Hihihi....

Saturday, December 6, 2008

To Asif

To Ungku Asif, ex SMK Lembah Keramat student, class of 2006.

Semoga ko dan family selamat.

Semoga cepat get over from the trauma..

**************************

Just got this news.

Asif's house, which is located at Bukit Antarabangsa, was buried from the landslide at around 4 am if I am not mistaken.

Asif got out from the wreckage alive, but his maid still buried under. I haven't got any update about that.

Resumed

Just got back from Terengganu.

Arrived at kl.

Started the journey at around 10 am. Reached KL at 6.30 pm.

It rained cats and dogs.

At Kampung Bukit Diman and Bukit Besi, our car barely made it through the flood. The flood was nearly 2 meters high......

Tired.

Tired...

So tired....

Too tired to speak,

Too tired to think,

Too tired to write,

Too tired to crack jokes.

Tomorrow lah, people. For the next post, I'll try to make it worth your wait.....

Hehehehehe.....

Saturday, November 29, 2008

pewangi lucah

This has got to be the most obscene cleaner....






Pepek semerbak????? Dem~ Hihihihihi~ Somehow, I can imagine a situation when saying this brand name would raise eyebrows.....


Gadis A: Weh, mintak Pepek ko. Sikit je aku nak..

Gadis B: What????

Gadis A: ala... Yang semerbak mewangi tu......

Gadis B:??? Gila apa!??

Gadis A: Ala.... Sikit jer.... Please....

Gadis B: Ish ko nih! Aku bukan orang camtuh! Cuba insaf sket.....Ingat Allah banyak banyak....

Gadis A: Tak nak bagi sudah...! Orang nak pinjam sabun nak basuh bilik air pon kedekut taik idong masin...!

Gadis B: .................[speechless]

(The picture was given to me by Nadzrah.)

Friday, November 28, 2008

I'm alive!

This entry is full of curse words. If you can't bear seeing it, close down this window. I just couldn't bother censoring my blog.


*************************************

Although this blog is in pause mode, I just couldn't resist updating it.... XD

Especially when a near death experience just occurred a few hours ago..

**************************

My family and I was on our way to Terengganu from Johor Bahru. In case you don't know this, we're moving to Terengganu next year.

So today, we brought some stuff to put into our new house.

Wait, did I say some? A lot actually.....

It took two cars to transport only four people, and just imagine how much stuff we were carrying.

My dad, my mum, and my lil sis took one car, and I drove alone with another car.

Me, being the lone driver would mean more load in my car.

More load leads to heavier car, heavier car causes my car to accelerate like a snail on diet.

My car's boot was full, and not to mention the back seat and the passenger seat. Before driving, I noticed that the car was lowered as hell. I took a look at the trunk, and saw a cooking gas tank. My dad says he wants to cook during our stay...Since we planned to stay until Raya Haji, takkan hari hari makan luar...?

*************************

We used Jerangau-Jabor road. In case if you don't know, this road is notoriously known for taking so much lives during festive seasons, no thanks to its blind corners and uneven terrain which cause a lot of blind spots.

I was happily driving, until I stumbled upon this lorry carrying WAAYY to much logs than the lorry can handle.

The road then wasn't that steep of a climb, but it did made the lorry slow down. Or so I think

So I tried to overtake the lorry. I dropped down two gears, and began to gather speed. But the car is sooo heavy...

Little by little, I gathered speed to climb that hill, but as I was overtaking that lorry, I noticed something wrong.

"Tadi aku dah potong sparuh jalan, apesal ni dah macam lagi banyak balik?"

So I floored the paddle as hard as I could. It accelerated a bit, but the lorry deliberately gained speed during the climb.

At this point, I didn't dare to continue overtaking that lorry as I was reaching the apex of the hill. A blind spot. I slowed down, and I got back to the tail of the the lorry.

Just as I got into the back of the lorry, a speeding BMW shot past from the opposite direction.

I was so lucky. If I didn't bail out then, I would've collided with that BMW. The gas tank would've exploded, and I would be reduced to smithereens...

I checked the situation again, this time, I was sure it's clear, then I overtook the lorry.

As I was overtaking that lorry, I looked at the driver, only to notice him looking at me too, LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF.

I was so pissed off with that motherfucker.

THAT SON OF A BITCH COULD'VE KILLED ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!

HOW CAN HE FIND A THRILL IN PUTTING PEOPLE'S LIFE TO DANGER!

I COULD'VE DIED, YOU DUMB ASS!

I cursed that lorry driver for a good ten minutes, which also included a fantasy of me giving that stupid driver a bitch slap.

I pictured myself raising my right hand like a croissant, and WHAM! Down goes the idiot.

******************************

I know I should be thankful that I am alive and all that cursing wouldn't do a thing to him, but at least I got my anger out of my system.

And Alhamdulllah, all of us arrived in one piece.........


P/s: Will update blog if I got internet connection. Never thought a budget hotel would have a wireless connection

Thursday, November 27, 2008

On Pause.

This blog will be put on rest mode.

Tomorrow, right after subuh prayer, me and my family are going to our Terengganu.
Dunno how long we'll be there, but I have a feeling it's until Hari Raya Haji.


Will be away till then......
Don't miss me ya? And don't delete my link from your blogs too......

Will update as soon as I got back......InsyaAllah....

From Slip of tongue

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Combs and hair gel is my enemy.

A word of caution: "This post is super long. JIWANG ALERT!"

Irma, sorry it took me so long, but this is my answer to your tag. Kinah, this may answer your tag also...


**********************************************************************

People always tell me these.

"Safwan, why don't you comb your hair? And while you're at it, put some gel on."

"Bear, serious, kalo ko sikat rambut, taruk gel, sumpah ko hot."

I always tell them this.

"Actually my skin is very sensitive. If I put on hair gel even just a little, The sweat would dissolve the gel, run down to my face and clog my pores. Then it becomes Jerawat. So when I comb my hair, there's no way the style is gonna last for the day. Can't even to make it to 30 minutes. Might as well I never combed at all."

And they would go like, "Ooh..."

Actually, that is half true. Although it is true that my face grow jerawat if I put on hair gel, there's another incident that made me traumatized of combing my hair.

*********************************************

I moved to Kl from Batu Pahat when I was Form Two, and I studied at SMK Lembah Keramat. It was the last day of school. My school session was the afternoon session.

I usually go to school by bike, but it must have been broken that day, I can't remember why, but I had to ask my dad to come and pick me up. I waited at a bus stop, almost nearly 7 pm, and was quite pleasantly surprised to see a beautiful girl sitting next to me.

Back then, I was very shy. And I mean VERY VERY SHY. I stammer A LOT when I talk to girls at that time.

But I don't know what magic she casted upon me at that time, I managed to pluck my courage to strike up a conversation with her.


Me: Hi, tak balik lagi ke? Dah nak Maghrib nih.

Her: [Giggles]. Tak, kita tunggu bapak kita... Safwan?

Me: Eh? Camner awak tau nama kita?

Her: Kita satu kelas ngan awak la.....


This beautiful girl is in the same class with me and I didn't notice???!! FOR THE WHOLE YEAR???!!!


Me: Ye eh? Kita tak perasan pon?

Her: Ala...kan kita org yang duduk sebelah Dayah....Cuba ingat balik..

Me: Ya eh? hihihihi.....

Her: Ok lah Safwan, bapak kita dah sampai tu. Bye!


I don't know how I feel about her. It was like something else. Something that made me wanna get to know her more.

I wanna know her.

After that, I prayed, "God, Oh God! Please, let her be in the same class with me the next year..!"

Alhamdulillah, He answered my prayer.

She was in the same class with me. I don't know a thing about her except her name.

From that moment on, I tried to get to know her.

The thing about her was that she always hang out with her cliques.

At that time, (and until now) I never had a girlfriend. So you can just imagine how clueless about girls I was at that time.

I approached her like a stalker.

Thinking back, I was so stupid.

I got close to her friend, so that I can get close to her. From Form 3, I did that until I was in Form 4.

I didn't have a handphone at that time, which I think made me getting close to her a pretty tough job. The only time we would talk is during classes, which is not much.

But from what I can see, she was the kind of girl your mother would want to have as a menantu.

She puts Allah first in everything. Rasullullah second. Al-Quran third. Then her mother, then her mother, then her mother, then her father. So whoever guy fortunate enough to be with her would have to settle for 8th spot.

Very much like Farihah, I think. Come to think of it, the way she talked was unmistakably the same like her.


*********************************


Come Hari Terbuka, when parents come to your school to get your report cards, I chatted with a then friend of mine, Nizam. We weren't allowed handphones in school at that time, but he managed to slip it in somehow.

So I checked it out.

I looked through his messages, and saw that he was very close with her. Super close.

I asked him,

Me: Yo, ko kamcing eh ngan Gadis X?

Niz: Agak ah.

Me: Ko bf dia ke?

Niz: Tak ah. Dia dah ada lar. Tapi dengar2 crita dia tgh gaduh hebat ngan bf dia. Nape?

Me: Ntah ah weh. Aku rase cam agak suka gak dia tu....

Niz: Try ah. mane tau jadik.


So, the next day, I braved myself to tell her. I gathered all courage I can find, and was ready to tell her I like her.

So I told her. I didn't tell her how long have I waited for that moment. When she asked me what made me fall in love with her, I said she was beautiful.

And my friends, that shows how clueless I was with girls. If you think right now I am clueless, back then I was even cluelesser.

As expected, she rejected me saying she wanted to give her current relationship a chance. She also said beauty isn't everlasting. There's a lot of girls out there that's far more beautiful than her.

I backed off.

I know a lost battle when I see one.


***********************************************


Being rejected by a girl for the first time in my life, I can't say it didn't have any impact on me, coz it did.





(2 days after the incident)

After that incident, I was left with a trauma. Ever since that incident, I became afraid of telling other woman I like about how I feel.

I fear rejection from her.

I fear the isolation after her rejection.

And that's what has been keeping me from telling any girl I like about how I feel.

Even if I do manage to pluck out the courage to tell her I like her, it will be too late.

[enter background music: Michael Learns to Rock - 25 minutes]


*******************************************************

Right now, you must be wondering: What do combs and hair gel have got to do with the story of my first crush?

Well, my friends, the fateful day that I confessed to her was the first day I combed and put on hair gel.

(I use my fingers to comb before that, coz dasar selekeh... And I still use my fingers after that incident. Trauma siot!)

Moral of the story: to me, sikat rambut = bad luck.


p/s: If you know who she is, or by any chance managed to figure out through my hints, keep it to yourself.

p/s: This is by far the most tasking post I ever written. 6 hours of staring into this computer spread over 5 days.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

UiTM's Great Lockdown

Finally, some civilization.

INTERNET AT LAST!!!

Mwahahahaha.......... Now I'm at my bro's house. Waiting for Emir to come back from Muar so that we can hang out together...Boys day out bebeh!

Mabuk - mabuk and all..... (joke)

*****************************************************

On 17th November, Aziz asked my help to submit his borang penangguhan bayaran PTPTN at UiTM HEP. His flight was on 3pm, but had to be at LCCT before 1pm. So tak sempat la nak dijadikan cerita.

Being a housemate yang penyayang, mulia dan berhati murni, tolong je la hantar although I hadn't read anything for Counseling paper the next day.

************************************

Went to UiTM main camp at 2pm, and I was surprised to see traffic jam. I went in from the back door, and it went all the way inside. I was hungry at that time, so when the crawl reached Dataran Cendikia, I stopped by for a lunch and solat zohor, and thought of going to HEP after the jam subsided a bit.

But the crawl was longer than ever.

At first, I thought maybe it's usual, since it was lunch hour, or maybe people somehow dapat hidayah nak solat jemaah beramai ramai. Hari nak Kiamat kot.

But after 1 solid hour and the jam still hadn't subsided? Something's up, I think.

So I postponed submitting that form. I planned to submit it the next day instead. I went out through main gate, and was surprised to see that the jam continued to Rapid KL bus stop at Section 2.

********************************************

And the next day, I got the answer for the jam earlier.

Don't think only Raja Petra Kamaruddin has Deep Throats planted in the government.

I also got maa!

Only mine was at one of the UiTM's hostel.....

The following was the conversation I had with him. I have to use different dialects to camouflage who he really is.



Me: Gila la weh. Semalam aku pi Main camp jam gile. Dari pintu seksyen 7 sampai bus stop rapid seksyen 2 siot!

DT: Actually, aku tau pasai pa. [Utara Dialect]

Me: Awat?

DT: Ko nda tau ka? Semalam ada bilik kena rompakan bersenjata bah! Bawak parang lagi tu! Itu orang luka parah oh...! 6cm luka di muka! Kena jahit nih! [Sabah dialect]

Me: Betul bah?

DT: Yo lo ah! Kawe dok samo level kot ngan ore tu. Saing kawe la tu. Nyaknyo bbudok. VC mari tgk kat PK, yo oyak "Nasib baik selamat.." Selamat nate gedio! Budok tu pah nyawo2 ike doh tu. [Klate dialect]

Me: Pah sek2 yo repot dok polis?

DT: Har...Hok ni la Le Creme de La Creme dalam crite ning. [Terengganu dialect]

Me: Bakpe?

DT: Mu tahu dok? Puak2 ye buleh gi kabor ke pok gad je. Pah pok gad agah konon nok setel dalam je. Kalu skill srupe CSI dakpe gok. Ni skill supe SPM dok lepas. Doh lame orang tu chow baru nok mari. Pah bile mari tu, buleh pok gad tu gi tanye gini, 'Yang hang pi tidoq tgh2 hari buta ni pasai apa?'

Me: LOL.

DT: Itu ler... Dah lambat bebenor dah pastu baru la diorang dapat idea nak wat roadblock. Itu pon teman dengar cite dari Deep Throat Alamanda, dia kate time diorang tgh setting wat road block, penyamun tu da bg IC ngan Student kad kat kolej dia. [Perak dialect. tak brapa nak jadi]

Me: Ler...Gitu skali ropenye....Ish3....Pasal ape la diorg tak btau je polis?

DT: Aku rasa la kan, pak Gad nak jaga nama baik UiTM.... Tapi tak kan la sampai lagu tu, no? Lepas depa frust pak gad bolayan, baru depa pi repot polis....[Kedah]

*******************************************************

Dem son~

OK lah. Better stop here before they press charge against me. ACT 174 says I can't make any press statements regarding anything inside UiTM.

Dem~



P/s: Do blog entries count as press statements? I'll be in deep trouble if it is....

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I talk cock when in distress.

I just had my third language exam just now. Once again, I think I screwed it up bad.

I can't even recognize the Hiragana characters, yet the questions had the nerve asking me to write in Hiragana.

You on weed son.

**********************************

The day before the exam, at the library, I studied Japanese with my classmate, Ezhan. Aziz was tutoring syntax to a group of 5 juniors.

Ezhan and me spent most of the day remembering Hiragana characters, but to no avail. At one point, we were stressed out to the max.

At that precise moment, one of the juniors that Aziz was tutoring syntax to were stressed out as well, so this person went to our table and chatted. Let's call her Gadis X.


Gadis X: Tgh wat ape nih...?

Me : Study Jepon ler...Macam haram.

Gadis X: Apesal plak?

Me : Dah nak muntah tgk karekter2 ni pon still takleh nak masuk. Cam celake. Salah aku gak...Time kelas datang lewat hari2.. Kelas pukul 10.30, pukul 11.50 baru sampai..12.30 kelas abes.... Masuk2 je, sensei cakap "Ohayo! safwan san! OHISHASHIRBURI!" [morning, safwan! LONG TIME NO SEE!]

Gadis X: Hahahaha [Flicked my Japanese language textbook] Watashi wa Rohana desu... Raju san wa sensei desu...... Apa maksud desu ni weh?

Me : Desu tu maksud dia "sial".

Gadis X: Serious?

Me : Serious shit. Tengok nih. Watashi wa Safwan-san desu. watashi tu saya. wa tu cam is in English. safwan san tu nama aku la. therefore, desu tu maksud dia sial la. Kalo translate, "Nama aku Safwan, sial."

Gadis X: Still tak caya.

Me : Betul lar. Lagi satu. "Raju san wa sensei desu". "Raju tu cikgu, sial". "Kochira wa Tanaka san desu". "Orang ni nama dia Tanaka, sial". "Toshokan wa doko desu ka?". "Library kat mana, sial?" Pastu ko reply, "Asoko desu". "Sana sial".

Gadis X: .............[speechless]

Me : Itu lar.... Jepun ni bahasa dia cam kasar la sket.


Pandai2 je statement aku. Kelas pon datang lewat lagi mau buat statement bodoh.


Gadis X then went back to Aziz's study group. And I continued practising the characters. After 5 minutes or so, another person from Aziz's group came to my table.


Gadis Y: Weh, serious ke Gadis X cakap tu?

Me : Cakap ape?

Gadis Y: Desu tu maksud dia "sial".

Me : Mak Aih! Jujur Alam percaya tu dah kenape...hahahaha.... [ gelak tak henti henti]


And that is why my friends, I can't be a good teacher.
Who knows, someday I'll be stressed out so much, I tell my students:

" 'Good morning' tu sebenarnye perkataan mencarut paling keji dalam sejarah peradaban manusia yang saya tak patut ajar sebenarnya."



p/s: Irma, tag anda lepas exam ya? Terlalu stressed out utk menulis post tag. Kang tertulis benda lain pulak jadinya.

p p/s: So stressed out coz of psychology exam, I created a new theory myself. "Safwan's theory of love and attachment." I plan to write a thesis about this. Serious. Don't laugh. Take that Broenfrenbrenner....

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Nafsu buas saya

If you think I'm going to post a blog with an ehem ehem connotation, too bad coz this ain't one of them. Sorry for getting your "hopes" up for no reason... hehehe....

Just read Jeng's blog, and I have made my own...



Top 10 list of food that I am craving.



10) My mom's Ikan Merah goreng kunyit.

Simple, yet delicious. It's to die for. Aku sendiri pon tak tau camne bole jadi sedap mak aku masak ikan goreng. Maybe sebab dia baca Bismillah, baca selawat, and berkat air tangan ibu.

9) Burger King's double black pepper whopper with cheese.

Heart attack waiting to happen, this is.

8) Haji Wahid's mee rebus.

Have you ever watched Cooking Master Boy's anime or any other cooking movies that used absurd effects that you might think it's not possible? Lemme tell you something. It is do-able. The restaurant's cook is the proof. The cook is super skilled, OK! He is blazing fast! And the mee rebus, man, it is super delicious! Freshly boiled noodles and bean sprouts drenched in thick creamy gravy with Pindang boiled egg, parsley, fried onion, condiments, with a hint of soy sauce and vinegar. Get a bowl at Plaza Angsana, Johor Bahru. RM3.50 a bowl.

7) Keropok Lekor Losong.

It's a known fact that Terengganu dudes make the best Keropok Lekor. They make it so damn good it'll kick those KL "keropok lekor losong" wannabes' ass all the way to Hong Kong.

One thing I notice about KL keropok lekor is that the flour:fish ratio is never correct. They always put in too much flour, making it very rubbery like. Terengganu made on the other hand, especially Losong never failed to get it right. They put in more fish, so that it'd be crunchier, and tastier. It's always fresh. You can actually see the workers working the dough just behind the counter.

6) Intec's fried chicken

Always crunchy, always fresh, always hot, and always delicious.

5) Kak Ida's bihun goreng.

She used to take care of me and my siblings when our parents went to work. Her bihun goreng is something different. Ayam sikit gile. Sayur takyah cerita la. But the taste, MAK AIH! Sangat best bila disatu padukan dengan keropok keping. I always had three helpings (at least) of her bihun goreng.

4) My own spaghetti bolognaise.

I know this will sound like so promote diri sendiri, but I miss my own spaghetti. But to make it is very expensive, to the point of becoming very un-student like. Spaghetti - RM 4, Sauce - Rm 9, Meat - Rm5, Parmesan Cheese - Rm 5-9. And that's for 5 times of cooking. Tak sampai 3 hari. Plus my Shah Alam house ain't got a fridge. Can't even make it to day 2 without half of them went rot.

3) Kekda's home made lasagna.

Kekda is my sister. Her lasagna is very good. Lasagna strips layered with bolognaise sauce and home made Alfredo sauce, topped with generous helping of mozarella cheese and Parmesan Cheese shreds, it is like hearing a classical orchestra symphony. Rasa terbang - terbang bila makan. (Kekda, balik rumah abang or rumah JB laju laju.)


2) Big Mac.

I can still recall how Big Mac saved my life during Part 2. It's a good thing that the after ethic's project, we kenduri-ed at McD, and they were kind enough to give us free entry coupons for Big Mac Chant Challenge. I got like 10 of them, so I just redeemed it for a week's supply of Big Mac. Now I know what made Big Mac So special.

"Two all beef patties,
Special sauce, lettuce,
cheese pickles onions,
on a sesame seed bun!"


1) Kekda's chocolate chip and almond cookies.

Sekali lagi, masakan kekda. It 's like Famous Amos's. Sweet, molten Cadbury's milk chocolate, crunchy roasted to perfection almonds, generous measure of chocolate chips, they will drive you crazy for more.


Well, that's my list. What's your's? ;)

Monday, November 3, 2008

The days

I dread Doomsday. But there's also one day that I've been dreading ever since I hit puberty.

That day is today, November 3, 2008.

Coz this is the day that I will turn 20.

I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! NOOOO!!!

I refuse to be twenty! I wanna be TWENTEEN instead!

**********************************************

You see, when you turn 20, there are things that people expect from you.

They expect you to be much wiser.

They expect you to be more matured.

They expect you to be able to think for yourself, and judge right and wrong for yourself.

All because the number one in front of your age is replaced by number two.

The thing is, I'm not.

I'm not what you'd call wise and matured. Half, if not all, of what I say everyday is actually a load of bull. I can't think for myself. I can't even make my own decision. I take up TESL coz of eeny meeny myne moe. Every time me and my friends go out, I'd just let them pick out the place we should hangout. My decision making is that hopeless.

And my judgment skills aren't any better. I did loads of stupid things I wish my mom wouldn't know. Hopefully she doesn't know. One thing's for sure, I'm not gay.

I just can't picture myself being a wise old dude saying wise things.

Ok, I'm digressing now.

Where was I?

Right. When we grow up, things also get tougher (duh!). It's been a long time our homework' difficulty is something like 2+2=___?

It's been a long time that I would raise my hand and jump up enthusiastically in classes so that teachers notice me when she asked questions.

It's been a long time since I bombarded my dad with questions like

"Ayah, ayah! Kalau Singa tu Raja hutan, harimau tu ape? Permaisuri hutan eh?"

"Ayah, ayah! Itu burung ape? Burung tu makan ape? Tak sakit ke dia makan benda tu?"

"Ayah, ayah! Tengok ni Wang lukis ape kat tadika! Wang lukis muka ayah!"

"Ayah, ayah! Tengok! Wang tuyih (tulis) mende kat kerusi kete tu!"


And he was always patient with me when I did those things. Now I know how annoying it would be.

It has been a long time since I did those things. I miss those days.

But the thing is, once you grow up, you can never regress back. It's the law of nature.

******************************

I guess I'll just have to adapt myself with those changes. That's what I supposed to do, isn't it? Coz no matter what I do, things will always get tougher by the second.

Even when I call myself a twenteen years old.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

What was I thinking....??

Just read Taufik's blog.

Congrats dude...

Your persuasive speech must've been awesome.

**************

I think if I get an A for Oral Communication subject, it must have been a miracle. A divine intervention. My speech was not what you'd call awesome.

1) I was thinking about doing why we should eat more fruits. But after reading my older blog posts, I realized I blogged about people getting infected with dengue so much, I decided to change the topic. And it was exactly 24 hours before I presented. It took twelve hours for me to research, another three to construct my speech. and I have to submit psychology test on the same day and I hadn't done shit.

Coz of that, I never got a chance to memorize my speech. I can recall only gists of the paragraphs. Since I didn't want to look nervous by reading aloud my speech, half of the time was actually impromptu. I stutter like a boat stalling.

2)I said this in my speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I believe had we taken up actions to prevent dengue, my friends wouldn't have got infected with dengue. Yuslina wouldn't have been infected. Hidayati's housemates wouldn't have been infected. And I believe, if we take up actions to prevent dengue seriously, everyone in this room will never get infected. I bet you my left pinky finger."

Fuck. It came out before I can control it.

Oi! Stupid! What are they supposed to do with your pinky finger la idiot???!! Whack mosquitoes with it??

3) As if that's not enough, I also said this in my speech.

"[bla bla bla]. And to prevent the spreading of dengue fever, don't rely on Government's fogging. FOGGING, NOT FUCKING."

Again. A slip of tongue. And it's a tempah neraka statement.

Of course la they know what fogging and fucking is, you imbecile. And of course they would've heard it right the first time.

How in the blue hell is by fucking, we can solve our dengue fever crisis???!!!

**********************************************

I must have been mental, fucking up my assessment like that. It must have been because of my blog.

I knew I shouldn't have named it Slip of Tongue.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Tak tahu title apa 2

If I have wings I would fly,
lifting my soul to the sky
If I have nine lives to live,
Wish I have you to be with

If I could make dreams come true,
of all the things I would do
I know that I would be wishing for you..


Juwita Suwito - Wishing For you

Perasaan aku skang: Jiwang karat

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Tak tahu title apa.


I just can't forget Her....

Herne, Aku Jeles.

Tell me straight to my face that you ain't jealous the time she told you she's going to Camp Rock Malaysia.

Coz I sure was jealous....

Perlu lah beliau mengkhabarkan berita gembira itu dengan nada gembira melalui segala saluran media massa...

Sentap aku nyah.

I wanted to go too, you know? I was just about to record a video of me reciting a poem I wrote myself when I realized that the deadline was over.

And Herne got the invitation.

DEMMIT!

Tak boleh Jadik! This cannot be happening!

****************************

I spent the following days plotting the best way to get her.

And finally it came to me.

Who does getting people better other than Rudy and JJ from Hitz.FM itself? The lie would look more believable, and everyone would know that it was my idea, and whole Malaysia would know I was the mastermind. It's pure genius!




The plan:

Ask Rudy and JJ to tell Herne that she actually wasn't invited at all. They meant other Herne instead of her. It was pure mistake.

The catch:

The Idea hatched too late. I got exactly 7 days to ask Rudy and JJ to Gotcha her.


So I asked around for her number. But the person who gave me the number (can't remember who) recalled it from Memory. Tak tengok henset langsung. Whoever that person was must love her so much lar.

So when I got that number, I was a bit sceptical. Betul ke ni number dia? So I had to check. I called the number.

Me : Hello? Ni Herne eh?

Her: Yep. Whassap? (Suara cam bangun tido) Sape ni?

Me: Ni Safwan ni... Nak tanya.. camne eh jalan nak ke Sunway Pyramid Dari Shah Alam?

Her: (explains panjang lebar tapi satu apa pon tak masuk sebab misi utama aku call dia hanyalah semata mata untuk make sure itu number dia. Habis Rm3 kedit aku.)

So I submitted the Gotcha application, hoping that they were able to process that form laju laju and get her.

But you know the saying.. Human proposes, but God disposes.

And God must love her so much coz the Gotcha application never went on air......


Moral of the story: I'm not evil enough.

Had I been evil enough, the plan would hatch the very moment she told me she's going to Camp Rock Malaysia.

Herne, Aku still tengah pikir camne nak kenekan ko.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

GO Vishy GO!


He's Viswanathan Anand, an International Grandmaster from India

He's challenged by Vladimir Kramnik, another International Grand Master. He's Russian.

Go Vishy...Kick his arse hard....

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Violent psychology experiment





Nazmi...Sorry....I had to do that....

Blame the psychology experiment my lecturer asked me to do.....

I'm really really sorry that my breath that day really stoinks....

Later when you grow up, I'll treat you to a really nice Satay Kajang...

huhuhu...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Idea ne wes entek. ora reti loh....

time time ting tong ni memang best kalo dapat buat tag....



the rules:

· Pick your birth month.

. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.

.Bold (or italicize) the best apply to you.

.Copy to your own blog, with all twelve months.

. Tag 5 people.


so here goes...

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.


AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.


SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer.Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.


DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

i'm tagging:

kayne - the chronicles of kayne

elvira nancie

anyone willing

Luahan perasaan

I've you have been eagerly waiting for my updates, too bad coz this will be a shitty one.

Been feeling kinda shitty for these past few days....

************************

I'm like Severus Snape.

She is Lily Evans.

I'll leave it to you to figure out.

(Not the sekolah menengah girl.)

*************************

It sucks to have people telling me what I should do about me.

You ain't my(boss/mom/girlfriend/gundik/wife/father/boyfriend/husband,scandal). Potong yang mana tak berkenaan.

****************************

Assignments keep piling up,

Datelines closing in,

Yet I'm still in La la Land.

I need somebody to slap me back to reality. Herne, kau kata nak slap aku kalo aku slacking off my studies? Nanti kat faculty tempeleng aku laju laju eh?

**************************

Laptop buat hal lagi

I give up. I'm done repairing that shit.

*******************

There're more things that I am upset about...But I guess I better stop here before any tempah neraka statements are made and hearts are hurt.

(Hati diorang aku jaga, diorang jaga ke hati aku?)


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Triple threat tag

Been tagged....

Aina, Jeng dan Fiqah telah bersatu padu untuk menge-tag aku. Tak sangka korang sayang aku....


My top 10 favourite food.

- Telur Bungkus Masakan mak
- Paru Goreng Lada
- Kekda's chocolate chip with almond cookies. Heaven siot! Ala2 Famous Amos!
- Nasi Lemak kukus
- Alfredo spaghetti Kekda masak satu ketika dulu
- Pau daging Black Pepper Kekda masak lagi
- Vietnamese beef noodle at secret recipe
- Kueteow sup at Anis Sup Utara
- burger king's Double Whopper blackpepper with cheese.
- Pak Li's Ipoh Iced white coffee

10 Things I love doing

- sleeping
- watching movies
- trying out new foods
- playing with nazmi
- Flirting with hot chicks. Itu naluri normal seorang jejaka single yang normal.
- Blogging
- Jalan jalan tanpa tujuan
- shopping
- Chess (DIRIKU OBSES!)
- Statement Tempah Neraka

5 Types of girls that I adore

- Chinese look
- Covers her aurat
- wear spectacles. Rimless preferred. Nampak matured..
- Optimum level of gedik-ness. too little gedik would make me feel like talking to a man, too much gedik, it feels like .........ehem..........Better not make tempah neraka statements......
-

5 Things I love doing when I'm feeling down

- watch midnight movies alone.
- mencarut. my vocabulary contains thousands of swear words in 4 different languages. malay, english, japanese, and Jawa.
- sleep
- Jalan jalan tanpa tujuan
- Blogging

5 Things I love doing when I'm happy

- Blog jugak
- Kacau orang
- ketawa out loud
- dance. Konon2 perasan melbourne shuffler, padahal steps cam haram.
- reading..

10 Ways to win my heart

- plays chess
- funny
- cooks decent dishes
- loves me because of me
- pandai ambik hati mak mentua
- beriman
- pandai nyanyi
- seorang yang tak kisah berpacaran/berkahwin ngan lelaki berbadan ala ala sumo wrestler
- one who would go miles for me
- not lesbian

My top 5 most favourite junk food

- ice cream
- snickers
- m&m's
- spicy mcChicken Deluxe
- Whopper burger king

5 Things I wish it could happen soon

- Dean of faculty belanja makan
- George w Bush masuk Islam
- Jumpa pasangan hidup
- Nazmi yang akan membesar ni masih menjadi kiut cam time2 baby
- world peace.

10 Ridiculous things I wish to do before I die

- reduce my weigh from 111kg to 78 kg.
- get a job with five figure salary
- drive a F1 car
- Drive a bus
- Beat Vishwanathan Anand, an International Grand Master of chess.
- skydive
- drive Aston Martin DB9
- contesting for Cleo's 50 Most Eligible Bachelor
- drink coffee sampai tak tidur 3 hari
- Teach English to Nazmi. Abih rosak anak abg aku....

My top 10 recently most addicted song

Not that recent....but this is what I usually listen to...

Disturbia-rihanna
Sky is over - Serj tankian
Any song from System of A Down
Croatian rhapsody - Maksim *all time favorite*
Flight of Bumblebee - Maksim*all time favorite*
Tango in ebony - Maksim *all time favorite*
Lucky-colbie caillat and jason mraz
How to save a life - The fray
Trance songs.
Tinggalkan aku - Anuar Zain

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Spookiest dream ever

Last night was the spookiest dream ever...

I got paid ten million euros to kill Malaysian Prime minister.....

5 million in advance, 5 million after I do him.

But I haven't given my answer yet...

The boss expected me to give the reply tonight after sleeping, before 4 a.m....

Should I do him?

He's old and next year he's retiring.... Dah nak mati pon kut.... kesian la nak tembak orang tua tuh....

isk.....


Ps: jangan la taruk aku dalam ISA....Aku nak sharing mimpi je kot...Isk....

Monday, October 13, 2008

First futsal

Last two nights was the koolest night EVER!

(both literally and figuratively)

my friend, Agung, Afnan, and Cipet invited me to play futsal with him along with their friends.

FYI, I haven't been working out since the end of first semester. I played basketball then. Being invited to play futsal last night was Godsent. On the last day of Ramadhan, I weighed 104 kg. when the class resumed, I weighed 111 kg.

That's why I can't join any campings. I'd ruin the hammocks. Hahaha....

So we played futsal in Sports city near Plaza Alam Sentral . It was 12 am, and it was quite cold.

At the first 3 minutes, I can still keep up with those guys.

Next 3 minutes was hell. Semput Pak Cik nak kejar korang! Sekor2 laju cam pelesit! So I played goal keeper. I made decent saves, while missing out silly ones. We were outscored by 1 to 30.

So I switched positions with Afnan for a while. That dude was tired as hell, it would be inhumane for me to watch him run in agony..

Agung made his run. Two defenders were marking him. He passed it to Yusof. He did some samba with the ball, and managed to get into the penalty zone. But the defenders kept close. Being desperate for space, he passed to the only person free from defender, me. At that time I was in the middle of the field.

I got the ball, and I kicked that ball as hard as I could, imagining that it was George Bush's ass. It flew,

and I scored! woo hoo! For the first time in twenty years, I scored a goal! hahaha....!

I feel fantastic!

I feel happy to the highest degree!

Until Cipet and his gang slaughtered us......

Thursday, October 9, 2008

No wonder chicks avoid me.

Your results:
You are Hulk
























Hulk
75%
Green Lantern
65%
The Flash
65%
Spider-Man
65%
Supergirl
62%
Superman
60%
Wonder Woman
57%
Iron Man
50%
Robin
47%
Batman
45%
Catwoman
30%
You are a wanderer with
amazing strength.


Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz



No wonder hot chicks avoid me......I'm green...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

So close, yet so far.....

This will be a luahan perasaan post. If you can't stand mushy mushy stuff, feel free to close this window.

If you've read my older blog posts, specifically from Women are from Venus category, I bet you'll know that I never, and I mean NEVER EVER had any special relationships with a girl before. I have no girl to call her "sayang", "baby", and the likes of it. It sucks to see your friends being happier than before that they have someone special, and I'm stuck being girlfriendless.

It's not that I never tried or loved anybody before , but the thing is, when I loved somebody she'll be in one of these situations:

a) single but not available.
Due to principles of life. This one, I can accept it. Who am I to force love out of somebody?


b)Already got one.

I'm not the kinda guy who likes to fuck up other's happiness for my own. It's true that they're not married yet, and even married couples crumble. But it's just not me. I'm no Casanova y'all.


c)The girl is outta my league.

Happens a lot of time. I remember vaguely that one of my Ustaz once said, the husband is supposed to tarbiyyah the wife. I'm not quite sure, but I think it sounds a bit like that. And I'm not a Holy Man. I'm just a dude trying the best he can. Besides being out leagued by her piousness, sometimes her family background also made me kinda afraid... The thing is, people talk. People judge. You can try to explain, but in the end, people still talk. They believe what they choose to believe. I used to be called a pisau cukur, juust because she's an anak datuk. WTF??

And now, I think I can add another on the list.

*************

A few days ago when it was still Ramadhan, I sent out a happy raya message to nearly 100 of my friends. Not bullshitting you. Cost me about Rm10 to send all those.

One of them is a friend of mine, Suharin. Below are messages I sent and replied by "him".

Me : Selamat Hari Raya.. Maaf sangat2 kalo ade wat salah ape2..Free2 dtg la JB...hehehe..


Su : Selamat hari raya jugak! Free2 datang la kedah! Erm.Ni SApE eh?


Me : Ni la Abang leman... (one of my nickname)


Su : Abang Leman? sape ni?


me : ni brother bear la sengal.


Su : Sape brother bear?


Me : serius tak lawak. ni safwan la weh..


su : Ni eira la...orang Kedah... Awak salah nombor kot..


Me : ye ke? eh sorri lar eh...Raya kot...hehehe..... XD


Su : Takpe....




Chis.... Suharin... tukar nombor without telling me.... sampai ati...

I thought it was my last message with her, until the next day, she texted me. At this point, I was kinda curious. Who was I texting? So I decided to get to know her, and I did. Turned out she's a pleasant girl. A younger girl. Sekolah Menengah type of young.

I don't care. I think she's nice. And I feel kinda good talking to her. I don't know why, but it's like taking a breath of fresh air after spending a lot of time sucking polluted city air. In short, it's like being in my kampung in Terengganu, minus the cow shits. We kept in touch via messages and I find her to be a pleasant person to talk to.

A few days later, while I was studying about chess from a book, she texted me.

Her: Hi.... Tgh wat ape tu....?Bz ker?

Me : Eh tak aih..Tgh main chess ngan member...
(Padahal main chess sorang2... time tu, I tengah bukak buku, bukak papan chess, recreate chess masters past games and analyze. kalo bgtau dia yang nih, sah2 la dia freak out)

Her : Seronok ker main tu? cam boring jer....


me : Seronok la gak kalo dua2 nerd pasal benda nih....hahaha..


her : ooo ok..... taknak ah kaco awk men chess... slalu org men chess ni nak kena konsentret.....


me : ok.. nite2..



Turned out that it was the last message ever.........


************************************

Dammit..... I was about to score.....

Salahkah aku menjadi seorang chess nerd.................?

Adakah chess itu sejenis Instant Chick Repellant...........?

Dam~!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Doaku

It was a cold night when this happened, and I was kinda cranky at that time. Anyone would be one if they just got back from JB to KL then back to Shah Alam in Raya Rush.

To cool off the crankyness, I went to McDonald's Section 18.

I bought Big Mac set, and chose the seat upstairs, next to a some kind of a divider. Then I recited my prayers.

"Ya Allah, Berkatilah rezekiku, dan jauhkan aku dari azab api neraka."

I was about to eat my french fries when suddenly, a french fries flew over the divider and landed straight to my head. At that time, I recited another kind of Doa.


"Ya Allah, purge me of the sins I will inflict on whoever did that.."


I looked to the right and I saw him.







Aww..... He's so damn cute I forgot to be angry...



Baby's mom: Aiishh.. Jangan kacau abang makan...

Me : Hehehe... Takpe....

Baby's mom : Dia ni memang camni... Suka pegang muka orang...Pastu cakar2....

Me : OO..takpe..Biasa la..Baby lagi kot.... sapa nama dia?

Baby's mom : Aliff...

Me : Oo......Kiutlar dia ni...
Baby's mom: Thanks... Dia ni baby tak cukup bulan ni...Time dia lahir tu berat dia 900 gram jer..
900 grams??? That's not even the weight of my boobs put together!

After that short talk, I ate my food. took my leave, and when nobody's looking I recited another prayer.

"Ya Allah, kau jadikanlah Aliff itu anak yang soleh, berkatilah rezekinya, dan bahagiakanlah hidupnya serta ibu bapanya.."


Amin.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Stupid ritual....

This has got to be a roll-on-the-floor-laughing-out-loud-stupid-tok-moh-ritual.

Read here.

The nephew must be like a tok moh in training, that he suggested such methods.

Or maybe the next Ayah Pin.

Claiming having divine revelation.PTUI! WTF? What does he think he is? Some kinda Rasul or something??

And the couple.....

OMG....

OMFG....... (Oh My Fantastic God...)

Can't believe they're gullible enough to believe that......

I bet if I told them my piss tastes like Coke, they'd drink it.

two stones for 1 bird

Actually Herne tagged TESL peeps, and coincidently, Diyana's tag is pretty much the same. so this is like answering to two tags at once. hahaha...[too lazy to update, so I just played along....]


State 7 weird things/ habits/ little known facts about yourself.
-The people I tag are to then to follow my footsteps and write their own 7 weird things/habits and little known facts.
-No tag backs (as in once I’ve done this, please don’t tag this exact tag again)


1. Making tempah-neraka statements is compulsory for daily stress relief. No one is safe from me....Muahahaha...

2. Contrary to what people might think, I'm actually lampi. Lambat pickup. I'm pretty much slow in picking up sarcasms...

3. I'm afraid of darkness. Every night, I sleep with the lights on. But since I have a roomate, I have to sacrifice......

4. I love trying out new foods. Provided that it is halal. When I was 6, I didn't know a single English word, yet still had the guts to try bacon. Turns out that it is pork. Vomited like pili bomba.

5. I love to think outside of the box, but the outside of the box turns out to be the inside of the box of somebody else. So I think I have to think inside of the box, yes?..............

When Harry Potter book 6 came out, it got R.A.B there, and I figured out it must be Regulus Black, and I was right! hihihi..Though I never figured out what A stood for.... I used to think the A stands for Azman, making Regulus Azman Black. Sounds kool, innit?

6. so in love with my own stomach....So bouncy....and a good weapon of mass destruction...Hempap-ing people is my hobby...hehehehe

7. I wish I have enough Raya money to buy a chess book.....

Tagging: Sape2 yang rajin tatkala membaca.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Break Fast at Grand Seasons


My brother, Nazim



My sis-in-law, Kak Yuni and my nephew, Nazmi a.k.a samseng Felda Kechau B



My younger brother, Hafiz. Supposed to symbolize "WOW" with the hand gesture.



Me, nearly voiding my fast


During the fasting month, we celebrated the safe return of my brother from London for some computer project thing at Grand Season Hotel.

It was one helluva buffet. The foods were awesome. There's so much to choose, you'd go nuts. After giving much thought, this is what we ate. And this was just the first round.


My brother went for Roasted Lamb with BBQ and Mushroom sauce.

My Spaghetti Aglio Olio with clams and Sweet and Sour chicken


My salad with beef roll and smoked chicken


And my Chicken Tika Shawarma. (I nearly misread this menu the first time I read it. I thought it said Chicken Tika "SHARMUTAH", which is not a very good name. Google sharmutah if you wanna know.);P



Hafiz's tomato rice with Chicken Tika.

Kak Yuni's Cake with Bread Pudding.

And for some strange reasons, I felt like eating sushi to go with it.

After finishing this round, we went to solat Maghrib, and continued for round 2. The awesomeness of the foods made me forget to take pics. huhu..

At the end of the day, this is what we looked like.


Kak Yuni was still ok, Nazmi the samseng went down.


Barely conscious after 4 helpings of foods.



Sleepiness kicked in.


Abang Nazim, the last man standing.

I can barely stand after the buffet. Moral of the story, gluttony is dangerous.

Raya

Happy raya aidil fitri folks!

I'm sorry if I did something wrong to you, and if you did something to me, pay me duit raya first only then kira settle.hehehe...No lah.. I forgive and forget.

I have a few sorry shoutouts to be made...:

1) to syamil for posting this entry. Although you approved this entry, I still feel kinda guilty...

2) to all of you because I put some profanities here and there. (ok.... A LOT ACTUALLY...)

3) to the victims of my tempah neraka statements.

4) to this hospital I don't wanna mention which, for poking fun at its menu.

Selamat hari raya again people!

Drive carefully. Think of your assignments pending and your group mates. You can make a lot of difference.