Seriously...???

Seriously?

For all these years you are a Tesl student?

And to not notice you when you said you see me all the time at the faculty hanging out...???

I must've been losing my marbles.


EHEM EHEM.

How you doin'...?

An evening at EON service center.

Last week, I sent out my car to be serviced at Eon Service center at section 24.

I went inside the office and told my car's problems to the service advisor.

I noticed that they had hired a new clerk.

A DAMN CUTE CLERK I TELL YOU!

While waiting for the repair dudes, I stayed in the office watching TV3 Indonesian drama. She was there too, along with a couple of off-duty repair dudes. I sat across her at a table, and the repair guys sat at a couple of chairs behind me.

Although I couldn't resist talking to her, I managed to keep it cool.

"Very suave, Mr Safwan," I told myself.

I guess she couldn't resist my charm coz after a while, she started to talk to me. I cracked a couple of jokes, and with the way we talked, one would think we are the best of friends. She was about the same age as me.

Unfortunately, one of the repair guys interrupted us and said,


Dude 1: Amboi... Kak.... Ngorat customer....

She: Biar la. Jeles! Tu kereta Waja kat belakang tu dok tunggu awak repair je tu.

Dude 1: Yela yela....

She: Biar je la dia tu... Orang jeles memang camtu. Hahaha.


So we picked up where we left off. After a while, she continued her work and I got a bit bored, so I whipped out my phone and started to play chess.

After a couple of moves, the phone managed to penetrate my defences and I was in trouble. I thought long and hard for the move.

This is how I will look like when I am thinking

However, my concentration was broken because as I was thinking, a repair guy came inside the office to get some equipment, and said this out loud.


Dude 2: Mak aih! Tenung customer tak nak lepas! Taste la tu!


Aww SNAP!

She likes me! I KNEW IT!

Hahaha!

Finally, I have moved up a notch! I was hit on by a person of the opposite sex! It used to be only me who flirt around with girls....!

I continued playing chess and ended up losing. At the same time, my car was done, so I paid for the services and she gave me the milage sticker.

When I was about to stick the sticker at my car's mirror, I discovered a telephone number was written at the back of the sticker!

She can't get enough of me...!

So I drove back home swelling with pride. I felt so elated.

When I reached home, I gave it a hard thought on whether I should try to call the number up.
In the end, I braved myself and called the number.

But the voice on the other end wasn't hers.

It was a man. I dunno who he was.


Me: Hello?

Him: Hello. Ni sapa ni?

Me:[Surprised to be answered by a man] Erm......... Errrmmmmmm...ERRRMMMMMMMMMM.... Ni Shah ke?

Him: Shah mana plak ni...... Salah nombor arr brader.

Me: O.. Ye ke... Sorry eh....


Haish.......

I must be nuts.

And to think I was actually hot enough to get hit on by a girl...?

BERANGAN!

Note to self: Jangan perasan! She was being friendly coz she was paid to do so!

Should I?

Location: Parking lot
Situation: Still in the car. Just after I sent her home.

In my heart:


"If she likes me, she'll look at me back."

"If she likes me, she'll look at me back."

"If she likes me, she'll look at me back."

"If she likes me, she'll look at me back."

"If she likes me, she'll look at me back."


Her head turned.

Lips curled into smile.

Hands waved.

My day is complete.

p/s: Mary, Jiwang gila kan post ni?

p p/s: Mary bukan gadis yang dimaksudkan.

Pelamin anganku musnah....

Last night, I got a message from an old friend of mine. She's cute, she was my classmate during my secondary school years... And she once said to me she's single couple of months back.


Gadis Z: Assalamualaikum..

Me: Waalaikumussalam. Hai awak.

Gadis Z: ???Awak?? Cam geli je awak2. huhuh

Me: Eleh... ngan bf ko tak geli plak...huhuhu..

****long period of no reply********

Me: Uish, ko marah ke weh aku ckp td? Smpai tak reply ni..sry ah..

Gadis Z: Hahaha.... Sry ah weh... Aku tersembang ngan roommate aku....

*****Even longer period of silence*****

Gadis Z: Weh, senyap je? sry...

Me: hahaha.... Aku pon tersembang ngan rumet tadi...mrajuk kot. hahahaha

Gadis Z: Ko ngajuk...?? Huhu..Buruk ah weh.

Me: Hhahaha...Tau takpe... Naseb baik ko dok jauh. kalo tak dah nmpk dah aku guling2 meraung....wakakka...

Gadis Z:Hahaha...Ape ko merepek neh?

Me: Hahaha..Gurau jer ah... Esok weekend tak pegi mane2 ke?

Gadis Z: Weh, Ape ko ni?? Lupe ke kita ade DATE esok?

Me: Serious???? Sorryy!!! aku lupa!! Kat ne ek?

Gadis Z: Ko pilih ah tempat.

Me: Aku mana2 ok jer. Jangan One Utama atau The curve ah. Aku tak tau jalan.

Gadis Z: huhu... Dating kat padang kawat jer lah. Aku satu hari kawat esok kot. hahaha.....

Me: ...................... Sampai ati ko.............

Gadis Z: Ala....Bucuk2...jgn la ngajuk...:D

Me: Padang kawat pon padang kawat la... Janji date....

Gadis Z: Hahaha.... Jom!

Me: Esok aku nak kene jumpe someone utk satu projek nih...huhuhu...

Gadis Z: oo.. ye ke.... good luck..

Me: thx... huhuhu.... ko nak tau sumthing tak? Kalo jadi la date kite esok, tu first date ever dlm idop aku.... huhuhu...



Haish..... I should have known she was only joking.....

I felt kinda bummed, though...

My dream of not being S.A.D anymore was crushed. (Single, available and desperate)

Haish.....~

Combs and hair gel is my enemy.

A word of caution: "This post is super long. JIWANG ALERT!"

Irma, sorry it took me so long, but this is my answer to your tag. Kinah, this may answer your tag also...


**********************************************************************

People always tell me these.

"Safwan, why don't you comb your hair? And while you're at it, put some gel on."

"Bear, serious, kalo ko sikat rambut, taruk gel, sumpah ko hot."

I always tell them this.

"Actually my skin is very sensitive. If I put on hair gel even just a little, The sweat would dissolve the gel, run down to my face and clog my pores. Then it becomes Jerawat. So when I comb my hair, there's no way the style is gonna last for the day. Can't even to make it to 30 minutes. Might as well I never combed at all."

And they would go like, "Ooh..."

Actually, that is half true. Although it is true that my face grow jerawat if I put on hair gel, there's another incident that made me traumatized of combing my hair.

*********************************************

I moved to Kl from Batu Pahat when I was Form Two, and I studied at SMK Lembah Keramat. It was the last day of school. My school session was the afternoon session.

I usually go to school by bike, but it must have been broken that day, I can't remember why, but I had to ask my dad to come and pick me up. I waited at a bus stop, almost nearly 7 pm, and was quite pleasantly surprised to see a beautiful girl sitting next to me.

Back then, I was very shy. And I mean VERY VERY SHY. I stammer A LOT when I talk to girls at that time.

But I don't know what magic she casted upon me at that time, I managed to pluck my courage to strike up a conversation with her.


Me: Hi, tak balik lagi ke? Dah nak Maghrib nih.

Her: [Giggles]. Tak, kita tunggu bapak kita... Safwan?

Me: Eh? Camner awak tau nama kita?

Her: Kita satu kelas ngan awak la.....


This beautiful girl is in the same class with me and I didn't notice???!! FOR THE WHOLE YEAR???!!!


Me: Ye eh? Kita tak perasan pon?

Her: Ala...kan kita org yang duduk sebelah Dayah....Cuba ingat balik..

Me: Ya eh? hihihihi.....

Her: Ok lah Safwan, bapak kita dah sampai tu. Bye!


I don't know how I feel about her. It was like something else. Something that made me wanna get to know her more.

I wanna know her.

After that, I prayed, "God, Oh God! Please, let her be in the same class with me the next year..!"

Alhamdulillah, He answered my prayer.

She was in the same class with me. I don't know a thing about her except her name.

From that moment on, I tried to get to know her.

The thing about her was that she always hang out with her cliques.

At that time, (and until now) I never had a girlfriend. So you can just imagine how clueless about girls I was at that time.

I approached her like a stalker.

Thinking back, I was so stupid.

I got close to her friend, so that I can get close to her. From Form 3, I did that until I was in Form 4.

I didn't have a handphone at that time, which I think made me getting close to her a pretty tough job. The only time we would talk is during classes, which is not much.

But from what I can see, she was the kind of girl your mother would want to have as a menantu.

She puts Allah first in everything. Rasullullah second. Al-Quran third. Then her mother, then her mother, then her mother, then her father. So whoever guy fortunate enough to be with her would have to settle for 8th spot.

Very much like Farihah, I think. Come to think of it, the way she talked was unmistakably the same like her.


*********************************


Come Hari Terbuka, when parents come to your school to get your report cards, I chatted with a then friend of mine, Nizam. We weren't allowed handphones in school at that time, but he managed to slip it in somehow.

So I checked it out.

I looked through his messages, and saw that he was very close with her. Super close.

I asked him,

Me: Yo, ko kamcing eh ngan Gadis X?

Niz: Agak ah.

Me: Ko bf dia ke?

Niz: Tak ah. Dia dah ada lar. Tapi dengar2 crita dia tgh gaduh hebat ngan bf dia. Nape?

Me: Ntah ah weh. Aku rase cam agak suka gak dia tu....

Niz: Try ah. mane tau jadik.


So, the next day, I braved myself to tell her. I gathered all courage I can find, and was ready to tell her I like her.

So I told her. I didn't tell her how long have I waited for that moment. When she asked me what made me fall in love with her, I said she was beautiful.

And my friends, that shows how clueless I was with girls. If you think right now I am clueless, back then I was even cluelesser.

As expected, she rejected me saying she wanted to give her current relationship a chance. She also said beauty isn't everlasting. There's a lot of girls out there that's far more beautiful than her.

I backed off.

I know a lost battle when I see one.


***********************************************


Being rejected by a girl for the first time in my life, I can't say it didn't have any impact on me, coz it did.

From Slip of tongue

(2 days after the incident)

After that incident, I was left with a trauma. Ever since that incident, I became afraid of telling other woman I like about how I feel.

I fear rejection from her.

I fear the isolation after her rejection.

And that's what has been keeping me from telling any girl I like about how I feel.

Even if I do manage to pluck out the courage to tell her I like her, it will be too late.

[enter background music: Michael Learns to Rock - 25 minutes]


*******************************************************

Right now, you must be wondering: What do combs and hair gel have got to do with the story of my first crush?

Well, my friends, the fateful day that I confessed to her was the first day I combed and put on hair gel.

(I use my fingers to comb before that, coz dasar selekeh... And I still use my fingers after that incident. Trauma siot!)

Moral of the story: to me, sikat rambut = bad luck.


p/s: If you know who she is, or by any chance managed to figure out through my hints, keep it to yourself.

p/s: This is by far the most tasking post I ever written. 6 hours of staring into this computer spread over 5 days.

So close, yet so far.....

This will be a luahan perasaan post. If you can't stand mushy mushy stuff, feel free to close this window.

If you've read my older blog posts, specifically from Women are from Venus category, I bet you'll know that I never, and I mean NEVER EVER had any special relationships with a girl before. I have no girl to call her "sayang", "baby", and the likes of it. It sucks to see your friends being happier than before that they have someone special, and I'm stuck being girlfriendless.

It's not that I never tried or loved anybody before , but the thing is, when I loved somebody she'll be in one of these situations:

a) single but not available.
Due to principles of life. This one, I can accept it. Who am I to force love out of somebody?


b)Already got one.
I'm not the kinda guy who likes to fuck up other's happiness for my own. It's true that they're not married yet, and even married couples crumble. But it's just not me. I'm no Casanova y'all.


c)The girl is outta my league.
Happens a lot of time. I remember vaguely that one of my Ustaz once said, the husband is supposed to tarbiyyah the wife. I'm not quite sure, but I think it sounds a bit like that. And I'm not a Holy Man. I'm just a dude trying the best he can. Besides being out leagued by her piousness, sometimes her family background also made me kinda afraid... The thing is, people talk. People judge. You can try to explain, but in the end, people still talk. They believe what they choose to believe. I used to be called a pisau cukur, juust because she's an anak datuk. WTF??

And now, I think I can add another on the list.

*************

A few days ago when it was still Ramadhan, I sent out a happy raya message to nearly 100 of my friends. Not bullshitting you. Cost me about Rm10 to send all those.

One of them is a friend of mine, Suharin. Below are messages I sent and replied by "him".

Me : Selamat Hari Raya.. Maaf sangat2 kalo ade wat salah ape2..Free2 dtg la JB...hehehe..


Su : Selamat hari raya jugak! Free2 datang la kedah! Erm.Ni SApE eh?

Me : Ni la Abang leman... (one of my nickname)

Su : Abang Leman? sape ni?

me : ni brother bear la sengal.

Su : Sape brother bear?

Me : serius tak lawak. ni safwan la weh..

su : Ni eira la...orang Kedah... Awak salah nombor kot..

Me : ye ke? eh sorri lar eh...Raya kot...hehehe..... XD

Su : Takpe....



Chis.... Suharin... tukar nombor without telling me.... sampai ati...

I thought it was my last message with her, until the next day, she texted me. At this point, I was kinda curious. Who was I texting? So I decided to get to know her, and I did. Turned out she's a pleasant girl. A younger girl. Sekolah Menengah type of young.

I don't care. I think she's nice. And I feel kinda good talking to her. I don't know why, but it's like taking a breath of fresh air after spending a lot of time sucking polluted city air. In short, it's like being in my kampung in Terengganu, minus the cow shits. We kept in touch via messages and I find her to be a pleasant person to talk to.

A few days later, while I was studying about chess from a book, she texted me.

Her: Hi.... Tgh wat ape tu....?Bz ker?

Me : Eh tak aih..Tgh main chess ngan member...(Padahal main chess sorang2... time tu, I tengah bukak buku, bukak papan chess, recreate chess masters past games and analyze. kalo bgtau dia yang nih, sah2 la dia freak out)

Her : Seronok ker main tu? cam boring jer....

me : Seronok la gak kalo dua2 nerd pasal benda nih....hahaha..

her : ooo ok..... taknak ah kaco awk men chess... slalu org men chess ni nak kena konsentret.....

me : ok.. nite2..


Turned out that it was the last message ever.........

************************************

Dammit..... I was about to score.....

Salahkah aku menjadi seorang chess nerd.................?

Adakah chess itu sejenis Instant Chick Repellant...........?

Dam~!

The Wira Girl

Though it's already two weeks old, I can't seem to get this event outta my heat. And for the rest of this entry, I feel like making a stupid poem.


Wira girl itu,
memparking kereta wira merahnya
di sebelah carwash.

Wira girl itu bertudung putih, berkaca mata.
Berbaju belang hitam biru dan putih,
Sehitam keretamu yang kotor ketika itu,
biru itu tenang, bak tenangnya air dalam botol pepsiku
dan tenangnya hatiku yang telah dikontrol..
belang putih baju itu pula seputih kulitmu, menambah seri ayu wajahmu...

Stainless steel modified downpipe ekzos keretamu,
Muffler ekzosmu mengaum garang
diselang seli jeritan serj tankian
mendendang lagu "Sky is over"
dari audio keretamu yang power giler.

bersamaku Wira Girl itu menunggu keretanya untuk dicuci

Di atas meja itu Wira Girl membuka buku biologi,
terdetik hati ini yg berkata "ni student INTEC ni..."
lalu menstudy kan diri...

Student INTEC kah? ku memulakan bicara
ya, Ausmat semester tiga, katanya
ADFP freshie kah? dia bertanya
student education kubetulkan

lantas kita berbicara panjang
sekali sekala daku terpandang
muka muka jaki abang abang cuci kereta
jeles melihat kita berbicara..

nah, sudah siap keretanya, sepuluh ringgit upahnya
ujar abang cuci kereta kepada Wira girl.
haruskah ketika itu abang cuci kereta itu menyetelkan kerjanya?
perlukah dia mengganggu ku?

Wira girl itu lantas mengucap bye bye kepadaku
lalu berlalu meninggalkanku
Tinggallah aku terkapai kapai tak keruan..
karena tidaklah ingat untuk ku tanya namamu...

Ku menunggu keretaku dicuci oleh abang cuci kereta.
sekali sekala muka jaki itu tersenyum bangga.

Lima minit kemudian Wira Girl datang tanpa keretanya
menuju ke mejaku tergesa gesa
daku kaget, terpinga pinga
rupa rupanya buku biologi yang tertinggal yang dicari

Wira Girl itu kemudian tersenyum manja
lalu pergi tanpa kata.....

otak Lampi ku tiba tiba berkata,
"apesal ko tak bukak je buku dia tu?
Sah sah la dia tulis nama dia kat situ!"

Hatiku menjerit.....
Ingin sekali ku kenal dirinya...
Oh, Inikah chenta....?

Oh, Wira Girl
Chentaku!

Some of the reasons why I am girlfriend-less

Everyone knows that when it comes to girls, I suck (here, it means the lousy one, not the one you think).

One of the reasons is that I am to shy to approach any girl that I find attractive. And even if I do manage to pluck the courage, somewhere in the middle, that girl is going out with somebody else. Being the gentleman-ly kinda guy, I would back off.

I mean, if she's going out with him, then she should be happy, right? And for her to be happy is all that matters. Besides if the guy going out with her is my one of own friend, it'd make everything worse.

So that's why a few years back, I used a different approach. I tried to tekel one of my friend (girl).

You see, her being my friend, I know a lot about her, I know what she likes and all.. Plus, she's kinda cute.. So I gathered all the courage I could gather and I told her...

Me : Weh, kalo aku bgtau sesuatu ko jgn gelak eh?


Her: Ape?

Me : Kalo aku ckp aku suke ko, ko caye tak?

Her: Safwan, ko gile eh?

Me : Ape gile plak, sial???

Her: Takde ah..Tah mane2 datang, tau2 ko cakap ko suke aku...Ape kes??

Me : Seriyes la weh...Tak tipu...

Her: Hahahaha...Bongok la ko...Sebab apa ko suke aku?

Me : Malu ar nk ckp..

Her: Cerita je la sial...Mane tau untung untung ko boleh couple ngan aku ke..

Me : Aku rase cam best la bile ko ade....layan kepala...bile tgk2 ko lame2, nmpk kiut gak dow..(And I told her other reasons which I would not disclose.)

Her: Aku???Kiut???HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Sah ko mabuk minum oren tu....hahahahha!!~


Needless to say, it was unsuccessful. She said she likes me too, but as a friend...and we'd continue being friends...I'm cool with that...And we are still close friends...

However, a few days later while I'm hanging out with my other friend which is a guy:


Him: Weh, aku dgr cite ko ckp kat dia ko suke dia, betul ke?

Me : Celaka...Sape bgtau weh?

Him: Dia sendiri bagi tau aku siot...Nak tergelak aku weh...hahahahhaha.....

Me : ..................................................[Speechless]


Crap. Pawned. Owned.....Double Kill..! I don't even have to tell you how embarrassed I am...But I'm cool with that...

********************************

I'm glad me and her are still friends. Other girls I know would've given me silent treatment or just avoid me and stuff. I hate that.

With me and her, we can even laugh at ourselves silly over the day I told her I loved her.

Recently, she, along with our old movie buddies hang out to watch movies, and on that fateful day, SEPI is still showing. She knows that I am still single now, and she decided to tease me.

Her: Weh, kalo korang nak tengok movie ape2 aku layan jer. Tapi jangan ar Sepi dow. Kesian Safwan....Kesepian takde girlfriend....Da la kene reject ngan aku hari tu...hahaha

Me : Lahanat.........Ko nye pasal la ni...Kalo ko kapel ngan aku je aritu sah2 la aku boleh tengok Sepi ni ngan hati yang gembira....

**************************************************

Contrary to what my friends think, when it comes to girls, I'm kinda shy..

That's why I find it hard to approach a girl I barely know,

And even harder to tekel a friend....