Pelamin anganku musnah....

Last night, I got a message from an old friend of mine. She's cute, she was my classmate during my secondary school years... And she once said to me she's single couple of months back.


Gadis Z: Assalamualaikum..

Me: Waalaikumussalam. Hai awak.

Gadis Z: ???Awak?? Cam geli je awak2. huhuh

Me: Eleh... ngan bf ko tak geli plak...huhuhu..

****long period of no reply********

Me: Uish, ko marah ke weh aku ckp td? Smpai tak reply ni..sry ah..

Gadis Z: Hahaha.... Sry ah weh... Aku tersembang ngan roommate aku....

*****Even longer period of silence*****

Gadis Z: Weh, senyap je? sry...

Me: hahaha.... Aku pon tersembang ngan rumet tadi...mrajuk kot. hahahaha

Gadis Z: Ko ngajuk...?? Huhu..Buruk ah weh.

Me: Hhahaha...Tau takpe... Naseb baik ko dok jauh. kalo tak dah nmpk dah aku guling2 meraung....wakakka...

Gadis Z:Hahaha...Ape ko merepek neh?

Me: Hahaha..Gurau jer ah... Esok weekend tak pegi mane2 ke?

Gadis Z: Weh, Ape ko ni?? Lupe ke kita ade DATE esok?

Me: Serious???? Sorryy!!! aku lupa!! Kat ne ek?

Gadis Z: Ko pilih ah tempat.

Me: Aku mana2 ok jer. Jangan One Utama atau The curve ah. Aku tak tau jalan.

Gadis Z: huhu... Dating kat padang kawat jer lah. Aku satu hari kawat esok kot. hahaha.....

Me: ...................... Sampai ati ko.............

Gadis Z: Ala....Bucuk2...jgn la ngajuk...:D

Me: Padang kawat pon padang kawat la... Janji date....

Gadis Z: Hahaha.... Jom!

Me: Esok aku nak kene jumpe someone utk satu projek nih...huhuhu...

Gadis Z: oo.. ye ke.... good luck..

Me: thx... huhuhu.... ko nak tau sumthing tak? Kalo jadi la date kite esok, tu first date ever dlm idop aku.... huhuhu...



Haish..... I should have known she was only joking.....

I felt kinda bummed, though...

My dream of not being S.A.D anymore was crushed. (Single, available and desperate)

Haish.....~

My God, there are MORE??

Last year, my car had some trouble with its temperature.

Even a trip to the faculty would raise the temperature to the red level and I would have to refill the water in my radiator for every trip I took.

I guessed maybe it was because of leaking radiator, so I sent it to the workshop.

******************************

I didn't notice it then but a couple of days back, I stumbled upon the receipt, and took another look at the services done by the repair guys.

And I was shocked to find this.





OI! WHAT KIND OF "LABOUR SERVICE" DID YOU DO TO MY RADIATOR AND WATER PUMP, HUH??

THAT IS SO SICK LA WOI!


But then, I didn't know ASSY services can solve a car's temperature problem!


My car must be gay.

DEM...........

There goes my dream.

I was supposed to go to Japanese Language II this evening, but was told it was canceled.

Thank God.

****************************

So I went walking aimlessly around the faculty, but stopped abruptly when I saw this notice.

From Slip of tongue

There goes my dream of studying overseas.


But then, I took another read, and noticed that something fishy.






WATAFAK.....?????

From what I can see, students who want to apply to this program must fulfill either two of these three criteria below.

1) Possesses CGPA of 3.70 and above,

OR

2) Must be able to mix a damn good coffee,

Or

3) Must be excellent Down Under....


I know this is my dream, but achieving it by pleasing somebody is a big no-no to me.

Obscene Korean Song...?

Last couple of month, my sis got herself a spankin new 16Gb iPod Touch.

That thing is so beautiful and so sexy that I felt like hiding it from her and never give it back.

So a couple of weeks later, she loaded some songs, podcasts, a complete season of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and I took a quick look at it.

As I was browsing that sexy thing, I came across this album.





It's My Girl Original Soundtrack from the Korean hit series, My Girl.

I used to watch that show. I loved the show, I loved the song, but I am not a fan. I don't even know the song titles.

So I flicked the album cover open.






Look at the first song.

Up till now, I still wonder how this song got through Malaysia's screening process....

Huhuhuhu.....

The perfect way to say "OMG You're so fat" to a stranger

I've been at my brother's house for the past few days and will be staying there until the semester starts.

I've been wanting to watch Yes Man, so I went out to KLCC to watch it during midnight yesterday.

I pressed the elevator button, and waited. After a couple of minutes, It opened, and there was a family of five already inside. There were a mom, two very hot sisters, a brother, and a small boy probably six years old. Cute.

Though it happened so fast, I can see that when the elevator door was opening, the mum took a quick look at me, her eyes rested a moment at my stomach, and by the way she looked, I can tell that she was quite surprised to see my stomach. Then she withdrew her gaze.

Then, I noticed that a couple of seconds later, she stared AGAIN at my stomach..

The young kid suddenly said this:


Boy: Mak, lambat la lif ni. Aiman nak mainan.

Mom: Sabar eh.. Nanti dah sampai kat rumah Mak cik Rosnah Aiman main la dengan pregnant Aiman. Eh I mean mainan.


The elevator door opened, and I left the elevator.

While I was walking, I can't help of thinking

"Do I look like a pregnant mom to you....??"

Dem, woman.....

It must be because of my pair of 34D man-boobs and the size of my stomach that made her think that I'm a pregnant mom.

Haish.......


Note to self: Diet!

pewangi lucah

This has got to be the most obscene cleaner....






Pepek semerbak????? Dem~ Hihihihihi~ Somehow, I can imagine a situation when saying this brand name would raise eyebrows.....


Gadis A: Weh, mintak Pepek ko. Sikit je aku nak..

Gadis B: What????

Gadis A: ala... Yang semerbak mewangi tu......

Gadis B:??? Gila apa!??

Gadis A: Ala.... Sikit jer.... Please....

Gadis B: Ish ko nih! Aku bukan orang camtuh! Cuba insaf sket.....Ingat Allah banyak banyak....

Gadis A: Tak nak bagi sudah...! Orang nak pinjam sabun nak basuh bilik air pon kedekut taik idong masin...!

Gadis B: .................[speechless]

(The picture was given to me by Nadzrah.)

Combs and hair gel is my enemy.

A word of caution: "This post is super long. JIWANG ALERT!"

Irma, sorry it took me so long, but this is my answer to your tag. Kinah, this may answer your tag also...


**********************************************************************

People always tell me these.

"Safwan, why don't you comb your hair? And while you're at it, put some gel on."

"Bear, serious, kalo ko sikat rambut, taruk gel, sumpah ko hot."

I always tell them this.

"Actually my skin is very sensitive. If I put on hair gel even just a little, The sweat would dissolve the gel, run down to my face and clog my pores. Then it becomes Jerawat. So when I comb my hair, there's no way the style is gonna last for the day. Can't even to make it to 30 minutes. Might as well I never combed at all."

And they would go like, "Ooh..."

Actually, that is half true. Although it is true that my face grow jerawat if I put on hair gel, there's another incident that made me traumatized of combing my hair.

*********************************************

I moved to Kl from Batu Pahat when I was Form Two, and I studied at SMK Lembah Keramat. It was the last day of school. My school session was the afternoon session.

I usually go to school by bike, but it must have been broken that day, I can't remember why, but I had to ask my dad to come and pick me up. I waited at a bus stop, almost nearly 7 pm, and was quite pleasantly surprised to see a beautiful girl sitting next to me.

Back then, I was very shy. And I mean VERY VERY SHY. I stammer A LOT when I talk to girls at that time.

But I don't know what magic she casted upon me at that time, I managed to pluck my courage to strike up a conversation with her.


Me: Hi, tak balik lagi ke? Dah nak Maghrib nih.

Her: [Giggles]. Tak, kita tunggu bapak kita... Safwan?

Me: Eh? Camner awak tau nama kita?

Her: Kita satu kelas ngan awak la.....


This beautiful girl is in the same class with me and I didn't notice???!! FOR THE WHOLE YEAR???!!!


Me: Ye eh? Kita tak perasan pon?

Her: Ala...kan kita org yang duduk sebelah Dayah....Cuba ingat balik..

Me: Ya eh? hihihihi.....

Her: Ok lah Safwan, bapak kita dah sampai tu. Bye!


I don't know how I feel about her. It was like something else. Something that made me wanna get to know her more.

I wanna know her.

After that, I prayed, "God, Oh God! Please, let her be in the same class with me the next year..!"

Alhamdulillah, He answered my prayer.

She was in the same class with me. I don't know a thing about her except her name.

From that moment on, I tried to get to know her.

The thing about her was that she always hang out with her cliques.

At that time, (and until now) I never had a girlfriend. So you can just imagine how clueless about girls I was at that time.

I approached her like a stalker.

Thinking back, I was so stupid.

I got close to her friend, so that I can get close to her. From Form 3, I did that until I was in Form 4.

I didn't have a handphone at that time, which I think made me getting close to her a pretty tough job. The only time we would talk is during classes, which is not much.

But from what I can see, she was the kind of girl your mother would want to have as a menantu.

She puts Allah first in everything. Rasullullah second. Al-Quran third. Then her mother, then her mother, then her mother, then her father. So whoever guy fortunate enough to be with her would have to settle for 8th spot.

Very much like Farihah, I think. Come to think of it, the way she talked was unmistakably the same like her.


*********************************


Come Hari Terbuka, when parents come to your school to get your report cards, I chatted with a then friend of mine, Nizam. We weren't allowed handphones in school at that time, but he managed to slip it in somehow.

So I checked it out.

I looked through his messages, and saw that he was very close with her. Super close.

I asked him,

Me: Yo, ko kamcing eh ngan Gadis X?

Niz: Agak ah.

Me: Ko bf dia ke?

Niz: Tak ah. Dia dah ada lar. Tapi dengar2 crita dia tgh gaduh hebat ngan bf dia. Nape?

Me: Ntah ah weh. Aku rase cam agak suka gak dia tu....

Niz: Try ah. mane tau jadik.


So, the next day, I braved myself to tell her. I gathered all courage I can find, and was ready to tell her I like her.

So I told her. I didn't tell her how long have I waited for that moment. When she asked me what made me fall in love with her, I said she was beautiful.

And my friends, that shows how clueless I was with girls. If you think right now I am clueless, back then I was even cluelesser.

As expected, she rejected me saying she wanted to give her current relationship a chance. She also said beauty isn't everlasting. There's a lot of girls out there that's far more beautiful than her.

I backed off.

I know a lost battle when I see one.


***********************************************


Being rejected by a girl for the first time in my life, I can't say it didn't have any impact on me, coz it did.

From Slip of tongue

(2 days after the incident)

After that incident, I was left with a trauma. Ever since that incident, I became afraid of telling other woman I like about how I feel.

I fear rejection from her.

I fear the isolation after her rejection.

And that's what has been keeping me from telling any girl I like about how I feel.

Even if I do manage to pluck out the courage to tell her I like her, it will be too late.

[enter background music: Michael Learns to Rock - 25 minutes]


*******************************************************

Right now, you must be wondering: What do combs and hair gel have got to do with the story of my first crush?

Well, my friends, the fateful day that I confessed to her was the first day I combed and put on hair gel.

(I use my fingers to comb before that, coz dasar selekeh... And I still use my fingers after that incident. Trauma siot!)

Moral of the story: to me, sikat rambut = bad luck.


p/s: If you know who she is, or by any chance managed to figure out through my hints, keep it to yourself.

p/s: This is by far the most tasking post I ever written. 6 hours of staring into this computer spread over 5 days.

UiTM's Great Lockdown

Finally, some civilization.

INTERNET AT LAST!!!

Mwahahahaha.......... Now I'm at my bro's house. Waiting for Emir to come back from Muar so that we can hang out together...Boys day out bebeh!

Mabuk - mabuk and all..... (joke)

*****************************************************

On 17th November, Aziz asked my help to submit his borang penangguhan bayaran PTPTN at UiTM HEP. His flight was on 3pm, but had to be at LCCT before 1pm. So tak sempat la nak dijadikan cerita.

Being a housemate yang penyayang, mulia dan berhati murni, tolong je la hantar although I hadn't read anything for Counseling paper the next day.

************************************

Went to UiTM main camp at 2pm, and I was surprised to see traffic jam. I went in from the back door, and it went all the way inside. I was hungry at that time, so when the crawl reached Dataran Cendikia, I stopped by for a lunch and solat zohor, and thought of going to HEP after the jam subsided a bit.

But the crawl was longer than ever.

At first, I thought maybe it's usual, since it was lunch hour, or maybe people somehow dapat hidayah nak solat jemaah beramai ramai. Hari nak Kiamat kot.

But after 1 solid hour and the jam still hadn't subsided? Something's up, I think.

So I postponed submitting that form. I planned to submit it the next day instead. I went out through main gate, and was surprised to see that the jam continued to Rapid KL bus stop at Section 2.

********************************************

And the next day, I got the answer for the jam earlier.

Don't think only Raja Petra Kamaruddin has Deep Throats planted in the government.

I also got maa!

Only mine was at one of the UiTM's hostel.....

The following was the conversation I had with him. I have to use different dialects to camouflage who he really is.



Me: Gila la weh. Semalam aku pi Main camp jam gile. Dari pintu seksyen 7 sampai bus stop rapid seksyen 2 siot!

DT: Actually, aku tau pasai pa. [Utara Dialect]

Me: Awat?

DT: Ko nda tau ka? Semalam ada bilik kena rompakan bersenjata bah! Bawak parang lagi tu! Itu orang luka parah oh...! 6cm luka di muka! Kena jahit nih! [Sabah dialect]

Me: Betul bah?

DT: Yo lo ah! Kawe dok samo level kot ngan ore tu. Saing kawe la tu. Nyaknyo bbudok. VC mari tgk kat PK, yo oyak "Nasib baik selamat.." Selamat nate gedio! Budok tu pah nyawo2 ike doh tu. [Klate dialect]

Me: Pah sek2 yo repot dok polis?

DT: Har...Hok ni la Le Creme de La Creme dalam crite ning. [Terengganu dialect]

Me: Bakpe?

DT: Mu tahu dok? Puak2 ye buleh gi kabor ke pok gad je. Pah pok gad agah konon nok setel dalam je. Kalu skill srupe CSI dakpe gok. Ni skill supe SPM dok lepas. Doh lame orang tu chow baru nok mari. Pah bile mari tu, buleh pok gad tu gi tanye gini, 'Yang hang pi tidoq tgh2 hari buta ni pasai apa?'

Me: LOL.

DT: Itu ler... Dah lambat bebenor dah pastu baru la diorang dapat idea nak wat roadblock. Itu pon teman dengar cite dari Deep Throat Alamanda, dia kate time diorang tgh setting wat road block, penyamun tu da bg IC ngan Student kad kat kolej dia. [Perak dialect. tak brapa nak jadi]

Me: Ler...Gitu skali ropenye....Ish3....Pasal ape la diorg tak btau je polis?

DT: Aku rasa la kan, pak Gad nak jaga nama baik UiTM.... Tapi tak kan la sampai lagu tu, no? Lepas depa frust pak gad bolayan, baru depa pi repot polis....[Kedah]

*******************************************************

Dem son~

OK lah. Better stop here before they press charge against me. ACT 174 says I can't make any press statements regarding anything inside UiTM.

Dem~



P/s: Do blog entries count as press statements? I'll be in deep trouble if it is....

I talk cock when in distress.

I just had my third language exam just now. Once again, I think I screwed it up bad.

I can't even recognize the Hiragana characters, yet the questions had the nerve asking me to write in Hiragana.

You on weed son.

**********************************

The day before the exam, at the library, I studied Japanese with my classmate, Ezhan. Aziz was tutoring syntax to a group of 5 juniors.

Ezhan and me spent most of the day remembering Hiragana characters, but to no avail. At one point, we were stressed out to the max.

At that precise moment, one of the juniors that Aziz was tutoring syntax to were stressed out as well, so this person went to our table and chatted. Let's call her Gadis X.


Gadis X: Tgh wat ape nih...?

Me : Study Jepon ler...Macam haram.

Gadis X: Apesal plak?

Me : Dah nak muntah tgk karekter2 ni pon still takleh nak masuk. Cam celake. Salah aku gak...Time kelas datang lewat hari2.. Kelas pukul 10.30, pukul 11.50 baru sampai..12.30 kelas abes.... Masuk2 je, sensei cakap "Ohayo! safwan san! OHISHASHIRBURI!" [morning, safwan! LONG TIME NO SEE!]

Gadis X: Hahahaha [Flicked my Japanese language textbook] Watashi wa Rohana desu... Raju san wa sensei desu...... Apa maksud desu ni weh?

Me : Desu tu maksud dia "sial".

Gadis X: Serious?

Me : Serious shit. Tengok nih. Watashi wa Safwan-san desu. watashi tu saya. wa tu cam is in English. safwan san tu nama aku la. therefore, desu tu maksud dia sial la. Kalo translate, "Nama aku Safwan, sial."

Gadis X: Still tak caya.

Me : Betul lar. Lagi satu. "Raju san wa sensei desu". "Raju tu cikgu, sial". "Kochira wa Tanaka san desu". "Orang ni nama dia Tanaka, sial". "Toshokan wa doko desu ka?". "Library kat mana, sial?" Pastu ko reply, "Asoko desu". "Sana sial".

Gadis X: .............[speechless]

Me : Itu lar.... Jepun ni bahasa dia cam kasar la sket.


Pandai2 je statement aku. Kelas pon datang lewat lagi mau buat statement bodoh.


Gadis X then went back to Aziz's study group. And I continued practising the characters. After 5 minutes or so, another person from Aziz's group came to my table.


Gadis Y: Weh, serious ke Gadis X cakap tu?

Me : Cakap ape?

Gadis Y: Desu tu maksud dia "sial".

Me : Mak Aih! Jujur Alam percaya tu dah kenape...hahahaha.... [ gelak tak henti henti]


And that is why my friends, I can't be a good teacher.
Who knows, someday I'll be stressed out so much, I tell my students:

" 'Good morning' tu sebenarnye perkataan mencarut paling keji dalam sejarah peradaban manusia yang saya tak patut ajar sebenarnya."



p/s: Irma, tag anda lepas exam ya? Terlalu stressed out utk menulis post tag. Kang tertulis benda lain pulak jadinya.

p p/s: So stressed out coz of psychology exam, I created a new theory myself. "Safwan's theory of love and attachment." I plan to write a thesis about this. Serious. Don't laugh. Take that Broenfrenbrenner....

The days

I dread Doomsday. But there's also one day that I've been dreading ever since I hit puberty.

That day is today, November 3, 2008.

Coz this is the day that I will turn 20.

I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! NOOOO!!!

I refuse to be twenty! I wanna be TWENTEEN instead!

**********************************************

You see, when you turn 20, there are things that people expect from you.

They expect you to be much wiser.

They expect you to be more matured.

They expect you to be able to think for yourself, and judge right and wrong for yourself.

All because the number one in front of your age is replaced by number two.

The thing is, I'm not.

I'm not what you'd call wise and matured. Half, if not all, of what I say everyday is actually a load of bull. I can't think for myself. I can't even make my own decision. I take up TESL coz of eeny meeny myne moe. Every time me and my friends go out, I'd just let them pick out the place we should hangout. My decision making is that hopeless.

And my judgment skills aren't any better. I did loads of stupid things I wish my mom wouldn't know. Hopefully she doesn't know. One thing's for sure, I'm not gay.

I just can't picture myself being a wise old dude saying wise things.

Ok, I'm digressing now.

Where was I?

Right. When we grow up, things also get tougher (duh!). It's been a long time our homework' difficulty is something like 2+2=___?

It's been a long time that I would raise my hand and jump up enthusiastically in classes so that teachers notice me when she asked questions.

It's been a long time since I bombarded my dad with questions like

"Ayah, ayah! Kalau Singa tu Raja hutan, harimau tu ape? Permaisuri hutan eh?"

"Ayah, ayah! Itu burung ape? Burung tu makan ape? Tak sakit ke dia makan benda tu?"

"Ayah, ayah! Tengok ni Wang lukis ape kat tadika! Wang lukis muka ayah!"

"Ayah, ayah! Tengok! Wang tuyih (tulis) mende kat kerusi kete tu!"


And he was always patient with me when I did those things. Now I know how annoying it would be.

It has been a long time since I did those things. I miss those days.

But the thing is, once you grow up, you can never regress back. It's the law of nature.

******************************

I guess I'll just have to adapt myself with those changes. That's what I supposed to do, isn't it? Coz no matter what I do, things will always get tougher by the second.

Even when I call myself a twenteen years old.

So close, yet so far.....

This will be a luahan perasaan post. If you can't stand mushy mushy stuff, feel free to close this window.

If you've read my older blog posts, specifically from Women are from Venus category, I bet you'll know that I never, and I mean NEVER EVER had any special relationships with a girl before. I have no girl to call her "sayang", "baby", and the likes of it. It sucks to see your friends being happier than before that they have someone special, and I'm stuck being girlfriendless.

It's not that I never tried or loved anybody before , but the thing is, when I loved somebody she'll be in one of these situations:

a) single but not available.
Due to principles of life. This one, I can accept it. Who am I to force love out of somebody?


b)Already got one.
I'm not the kinda guy who likes to fuck up other's happiness for my own. It's true that they're not married yet, and even married couples crumble. But it's just not me. I'm no Casanova y'all.


c)The girl is outta my league.
Happens a lot of time. I remember vaguely that one of my Ustaz once said, the husband is supposed to tarbiyyah the wife. I'm not quite sure, but I think it sounds a bit like that. And I'm not a Holy Man. I'm just a dude trying the best he can. Besides being out leagued by her piousness, sometimes her family background also made me kinda afraid... The thing is, people talk. People judge. You can try to explain, but in the end, people still talk. They believe what they choose to believe. I used to be called a pisau cukur, juust because she's an anak datuk. WTF??

And now, I think I can add another on the list.

*************

A few days ago when it was still Ramadhan, I sent out a happy raya message to nearly 100 of my friends. Not bullshitting you. Cost me about Rm10 to send all those.

One of them is a friend of mine, Suharin. Below are messages I sent and replied by "him".

Me : Selamat Hari Raya.. Maaf sangat2 kalo ade wat salah ape2..Free2 dtg la JB...hehehe..


Su : Selamat hari raya jugak! Free2 datang la kedah! Erm.Ni SApE eh?

Me : Ni la Abang leman... (one of my nickname)

Su : Abang Leman? sape ni?

me : ni brother bear la sengal.

Su : Sape brother bear?

Me : serius tak lawak. ni safwan la weh..

su : Ni eira la...orang Kedah... Awak salah nombor kot..

Me : ye ke? eh sorri lar eh...Raya kot...hehehe..... XD

Su : Takpe....



Chis.... Suharin... tukar nombor without telling me.... sampai ati...

I thought it was my last message with her, until the next day, she texted me. At this point, I was kinda curious. Who was I texting? So I decided to get to know her, and I did. Turned out she's a pleasant girl. A younger girl. Sekolah Menengah type of young.

I don't care. I think she's nice. And I feel kinda good talking to her. I don't know why, but it's like taking a breath of fresh air after spending a lot of time sucking polluted city air. In short, it's like being in my kampung in Terengganu, minus the cow shits. We kept in touch via messages and I find her to be a pleasant person to talk to.

A few days later, while I was studying about chess from a book, she texted me.

Her: Hi.... Tgh wat ape tu....?Bz ker?

Me : Eh tak aih..Tgh main chess ngan member...(Padahal main chess sorang2... time tu, I tengah bukak buku, bukak papan chess, recreate chess masters past games and analyze. kalo bgtau dia yang nih, sah2 la dia freak out)

Her : Seronok ker main tu? cam boring jer....

me : Seronok la gak kalo dua2 nerd pasal benda nih....hahaha..

her : ooo ok..... taknak ah kaco awk men chess... slalu org men chess ni nak kena konsentret.....

me : ok.. nite2..


Turned out that it was the last message ever.........

************************************

Dammit..... I was about to score.....

Salahkah aku menjadi seorang chess nerd.................?

Adakah chess itu sejenis Instant Chick Repellant...........?

Dam~!

Don't read this after eating!

It was on the way back from watching midnight movies with Aziz, Fahim, and his uncle.

After watching Babylon AD, we thought of going for sahur first before returning back home.So we went to this kinda clean looking mamak restaurant near Section 7 Shah Alam.

It was around 2.30 am, so I kinda wanted something substantial, so I ordered plain rice with fried chicken on the side and curry. 

It was kinda delicious.

Until I discovered something.

I accidentally bit a piece of chicken bone, and I got it out of my mouth. I turned that piece of bone around, and I found a tiny black speck on it.

I took a closer look, it was a fly.

A FUCKING FLY INSIDE MY MEAL AND I NEARLY ATE IT!

The head, the body, the wings, I SAW IT ALL. and that made me puke on the spot. Seriously.

I thought of getting my money refunded. But the mamak looked like an idiot. He looked like can't even understand Malay.

He looked so dumb that if I asked him his name, he'd go like this.

"STOP ASKING ME  MY NAME YOU MOTHER TOOT! I DONNO LAH MACHA!"

So what I did was just let it be. Bulan Puasa kot.

But one thing's for sure, I ain't coming back to that restaurant. Period.

Malish language

In Malaysia, there used to be two different version of Malay Language.

The pure Malay language, and the rojak Malay language.

Pure Malay language is when you use Malay and only Malay words and forms in the sentences. For example, "Kurang bijak sungguh pemandu kereta dihadapan itu. kenapakah dia menukar lorong tanpa memberi isyarat??"

Rojak Malay language is when you "spice" it up with English words. For instance, "Fuck la orang depan tu. Tukar lane tak bagi signal WTF???"

Now, I noticed that there's another version of Malay language, which is Malish. It's the bastardized version of Malay language.

For example:


BILIK ISOLASI?? WHAT HAPPENED TO "BILIK PENGASINGAN"???





Kuasa Rejuvenasi???

REJUVENASI????? Malay language have a word called "penyegaran" ok??

Just when I thought Malay language couldn't be bastardized any further, here comes another....





KONSULTANSI??? Which word are you trying to borrow? Consultant or consultation???? Since when does English have a word called CONSULTANTION??? And why can't you say "Bilik perundingan" instead??? Is Malay language vocabulary that limited????

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I love Malay language. It's beautiful. Please... Do me a favor.. If you're thinking of borrowing a word from another language to "beautify" Malay language,



Ask "Professor Safwan" before you bastardize it any further. or else I'll be bastardizing you.

Random politic thoughts

This entry will be full of curse words. To those who cannot bear to see one or two in every sentence, I'd advise you to press [CTRL+W] or [ALT+F4] to close down the damn window.

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My brother, who is a computer programmer, is now in UK doing some computer project thingy.

I wish him the best of luck, and balik Malaysia cepat2.

Coz I wanna ask him how to read Raja Petra's blog without getting blocked. Maybe hack into the system and fuck things up (if he can).

Dah la stesen TV, radio, newspaper semua jilat bontot kerajaan, bloggers pon nak kena jilat jugak ke?

Camtu skali ke nak brainwash? By only allowing ass-kissing news out?

Kata mereka media kita makin transparent. Fuck transparent. Hari2 jilat bontot kedut diorg.

I'm not anti government, I'm not pro gevernment.

I'm just a person who wants to see media transparency. Transparency as in the news are not about kissing government's ass and fucking up the opposition. Transparency as in the medias are free in publishing news without fear. Transparency as in reporting the news as it is.


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Yes, I read Raja Petra's blog. I read it coz his English is very good. Much of his style of writing has influenced me in some ways.

I still hate politics.

Hangover??

Just now, my classmates and I had to attend to a Majlis Amanat Kemerdekaan in Dewan Seri Budiman.

The amanat thingy was held in UPM, and was streamed to us via Streamyx.

It was supposed to be high tech kinda thingy and I had a feeling they were expecting us to be like "WOW! KOOL SIAL!!"

But it's not. The video feed kept getting stuck no thanks to Streamyx. Half of the time the UiTM organizer had to cover malu by putting up videos of us instead.

It was very boring. This is how I look 10 minutes after the amanat started.




I was bored to tears, OK!!

I tried listening to my mp3 player, but they're out of battery. I tried checking out hot chicks. They're few.

That's when I decided to use my classic routine during boring events/classes: 1 hour-long piss.

So I went out of that hall and went out on my way to the toilet, until I saw this strange fella just outside of the hall door.



..........................................

My 1 hour long piss was interrupted by cam whoring with the devil's piss.

Anyway, it's kinda KOOL.....

Coz I know that somebody's gonna rot in hell for this........

MUAHAHAHAHA....................

Kopi Kaw

Have you watched this?

It's Obviously Banned Commercial....

It's hilarious, I tell you!

Made by a friend of mine with his production team, YUMEcolors.

Check it out!

FAQs about me

Who are you?
I'm Safwan. just an average joe. you can call me Wang, Beruang, Bear, Leman or whatever name that's good.

Who gave you those nicks?
A law dude named Irfan gave me the name "Bear". He said I'm cute. But I beg to differ. Hakim, another law dude gave me the name Leman. Comes from the brand of my shirt. moral of the story, never buy pasar malam shirts.

You really like to camwhore, don't you?
Yes I do.

But you are ugly!
Ugly is the new beauty. (A stupid self-motivation by me)

What do you do?
I'm still studying...taking up TESL.

Wah...TESL SIOT!!....Then you must be good in English kan..??
Unfortunately, my English still needs improving. that's why you'll find some grammar errors here and there. Do point it out to me ya?

Why do you blog?
I blog so that I can entertain myself. I have funny things happening everyday and I want to document it so I can read them again later.

Shared pain is half pain, shared joy is double joy. that's why I blog those funny events so that others can have a laugh or two with me.

Why "Slip of Tongue"?
I dunno. It just came out of nowhere.

Your blog URL is too long lar...
Well, that's because another dude has got his hands first for slipoftongue.blogspot.com first before I did. that's why I have to use oopsmytongueslipped.blogspot.com instead. DON'T GET CONFUSED TAU!

Just bookmark my blog if you can't remember my URL....If you use Mozilla Firefox, click the orange thing that looks like wave thingy next to the address in URL bar...then add to live bookmark update. so next time if you wanna check whether I have updated or not, just click that thing and it'll tell you.

You are so fat lar...
So that I can Hempap you without mercy. I tend to do that when I get pissed off.

Why in the hell are you making this FAQs?
Because my first post, which is supposed to tell you about me is lame.

So you think this post is not lame?
I dunno....I think this is lame too...maybe I should post a stupid picture of me instead.

Ok..That's gross...Moving on, are you single?
Yep. single from birth.

You must be quite desperate.
I think so. Read here. The closest person who I came close to being coupled is this. I shouldn't reveal her name coz of some reasons.

If I ask you another question, would you answer it?
Depends....

Ok, I'm gonna ask the question.. Can I stop asking?
......................

Just a thought

Everyone in their right state of mind would know by now that Anwar Ibrahim, who is allegedly to have sodomized Saiful Bukhari is contesting for Permatang Pauh parliamentary seat.

Which I don't care actually. Sodomy or not, conspiracy or not, I couldn't care less.

What I do care now is that with Anwar Ibrahim sodomy case in the limelight, I couldn't find any updates on Altantuya Sharibuu's murder case anywhere in the national papers.

Can you?

If you do, please tell me what happens eh?

Maybe I missed some datelines of the next trial...

The Wira Girl

Though it's already two weeks old, I can't seem to get this event outta my heat. And for the rest of this entry, I feel like making a stupid poem.


Wira girl itu,
memparking kereta wira merahnya
di sebelah carwash.

Wira girl itu bertudung putih, berkaca mata.
Berbaju belang hitam biru dan putih,
Sehitam keretamu yang kotor ketika itu,
biru itu tenang, bak tenangnya air dalam botol pepsiku
dan tenangnya hatiku yang telah dikontrol..
belang putih baju itu pula seputih kulitmu, menambah seri ayu wajahmu...

Stainless steel modified downpipe ekzos keretamu,
Muffler ekzosmu mengaum garang
diselang seli jeritan serj tankian
mendendang lagu "Sky is over"
dari audio keretamu yang power giler.

bersamaku Wira Girl itu menunggu keretanya untuk dicuci

Di atas meja itu Wira Girl membuka buku biologi,
terdetik hati ini yg berkata "ni student INTEC ni..."
lalu menstudy kan diri...

Student INTEC kah? ku memulakan bicara
ya, Ausmat semester tiga, katanya
ADFP freshie kah? dia bertanya
student education kubetulkan

lantas kita berbicara panjang
sekali sekala daku terpandang
muka muka jaki abang abang cuci kereta
jeles melihat kita berbicara..

nah, sudah siap keretanya, sepuluh ringgit upahnya
ujar abang cuci kereta kepada Wira girl.
haruskah ketika itu abang cuci kereta itu menyetelkan kerjanya?
perlukah dia mengganggu ku?

Wira girl itu lantas mengucap bye bye kepadaku
lalu berlalu meninggalkanku
Tinggallah aku terkapai kapai tak keruan..
karena tidaklah ingat untuk ku tanya namamu...

Ku menunggu keretaku dicuci oleh abang cuci kereta.
sekali sekala muka jaki itu tersenyum bangga.

Lima minit kemudian Wira Girl datang tanpa keretanya
menuju ke mejaku tergesa gesa
daku kaget, terpinga pinga
rupa rupanya buku biologi yang tertinggal yang dicari

Wira Girl itu kemudian tersenyum manja
lalu pergi tanpa kata.....

otak Lampi ku tiba tiba berkata,
"apesal ko tak bukak je buku dia tu?
Sah sah la dia tulis nama dia kat situ!"

Hatiku menjerit.....
Ingin sekali ku kenal dirinya...
Oh, Inikah chenta....?

Oh, Wira Girl
Chentaku!

Some of the reasons why I am girlfriend-less

Everyone knows that when it comes to girls, I suck (here, it means the lousy one, not the one you think).

One of the reasons is that I am to shy to approach any girl that I find attractive. And even if I do manage to pluck the courage, somewhere in the middle, that girl is going out with somebody else. Being the gentleman-ly kinda guy, I would back off.

I mean, if she's going out with him, then she should be happy, right? And for her to be happy is all that matters. Besides if the guy going out with her is my one of own friend, it'd make everything worse.

So that's why a few years back, I used a different approach. I tried to tekel one of my friend (girl).

You see, her being my friend, I know a lot about her, I know what she likes and all.. Plus, she's kinda cute.. So I gathered all the courage I could gather and I told her...

Me : Weh, kalo aku bgtau sesuatu ko jgn gelak eh?


Her: Ape?

Me : Kalo aku ckp aku suke ko, ko caye tak?

Her: Safwan, ko gile eh?

Me : Ape gile plak, sial???

Her: Takde ah..Tah mane2 datang, tau2 ko cakap ko suke aku...Ape kes??

Me : Seriyes la weh...Tak tipu...

Her: Hahahaha...Bongok la ko...Sebab apa ko suke aku?

Me : Malu ar nk ckp..

Her: Cerita je la sial...Mane tau untung untung ko boleh couple ngan aku ke..

Me : Aku rase cam best la bile ko ade....layan kepala...bile tgk2 ko lame2, nmpk kiut gak dow..(And I told her other reasons which I would not disclose.)

Her: Aku???Kiut???HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Sah ko mabuk minum oren tu....hahahahha!!~


Needless to say, it was unsuccessful. She said she likes me too, but as a friend...and we'd continue being friends...I'm cool with that...And we are still close friends...

However, a few days later while I'm hanging out with my other friend which is a guy:


Him: Weh, aku dgr cite ko ckp kat dia ko suke dia, betul ke?

Me : Celaka...Sape bgtau weh?

Him: Dia sendiri bagi tau aku siot...Nak tergelak aku weh...hahahahhaha.....

Me : ..................................................[Speechless]


Crap. Pawned. Owned.....Double Kill..! I don't even have to tell you how embarrassed I am...But I'm cool with that...

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I'm glad me and her are still friends. Other girls I know would've given me silent treatment or just avoid me and stuff. I hate that.

With me and her, we can even laugh at ourselves silly over the day I told her I loved her.

Recently, she, along with our old movie buddies hang out to watch movies, and on that fateful day, SEPI is still showing. She knows that I am still single now, and she decided to tease me.

Her: Weh, kalo korang nak tengok movie ape2 aku layan jer. Tapi jangan ar Sepi dow. Kesian Safwan....Kesepian takde girlfriend....Da la kene reject ngan aku hari tu...hahaha

Me : Lahanat.........Ko nye pasal la ni...Kalo ko kapel ngan aku je aritu sah2 la aku boleh tengok Sepi ni ngan hati yang gembira....

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Contrary to what my friends think, when it comes to girls, I'm kinda shy..

That's why I find it hard to approach a girl I barely know,

And even harder to tekel a friend....