I talk cock when in distress.

I just had my third language exam just now. Once again, I think I screwed it up bad.

I can't even recognize the Hiragana characters, yet the questions had the nerve asking me to write in Hiragana.

You on weed son.

**********************************

The day before the exam, at the library, I studied Japanese with my classmate, Ezhan. Aziz was tutoring syntax to a group of 5 juniors.

Ezhan and me spent most of the day remembering Hiragana characters, but to no avail. At one point, we were stressed out to the max.

At that precise moment, one of the juniors that Aziz was tutoring syntax to were stressed out as well, so this person went to our table and chatted. Let's call her Gadis X.


Gadis X: Tgh wat ape nih...?

Me : Study Jepon ler...Macam haram.

Gadis X: Apesal plak?

Me : Dah nak muntah tgk karekter2 ni pon still takleh nak masuk. Cam celake. Salah aku gak...Time kelas datang lewat hari2.. Kelas pukul 10.30, pukul 11.50 baru sampai..12.30 kelas abes.... Masuk2 je, sensei cakap "Ohayo! safwan san! OHISHASHIRBURI!" [morning, safwan! LONG TIME NO SEE!]

Gadis X: Hahahaha [Flicked my Japanese language textbook] Watashi wa Rohana desu... Raju san wa sensei desu...... Apa maksud desu ni weh?

Me : Desu tu maksud dia "sial".

Gadis X: Serious?

Me : Serious shit. Tengok nih. Watashi wa Safwan-san desu. watashi tu saya. wa tu cam is in English. safwan san tu nama aku la. therefore, desu tu maksud dia sial la. Kalo translate, "Nama aku Safwan, sial."

Gadis X: Still tak caya.

Me : Betul lar. Lagi satu. "Raju san wa sensei desu". "Raju tu cikgu, sial". "Kochira wa Tanaka san desu". "Orang ni nama dia Tanaka, sial". "Toshokan wa doko desu ka?". "Library kat mana, sial?" Pastu ko reply, "Asoko desu". "Sana sial".

Gadis X: .............[speechless]

Me : Itu lar.... Jepun ni bahasa dia cam kasar la sket.


Pandai2 je statement aku. Kelas pon datang lewat lagi mau buat statement bodoh.


Gadis X then went back to Aziz's study group. And I continued practising the characters. After 5 minutes or so, another person from Aziz's group came to my table.


Gadis Y: Weh, serious ke Gadis X cakap tu?

Me : Cakap ape?

Gadis Y: Desu tu maksud dia "sial".

Me : Mak Aih! Jujur Alam percaya tu dah kenape...hahahaha.... [ gelak tak henti henti]


And that is why my friends, I can't be a good teacher.
Who knows, someday I'll be stressed out so much, I tell my students:

" 'Good morning' tu sebenarnye perkataan mencarut paling keji dalam sejarah peradaban manusia yang saya tak patut ajar sebenarnya."



p/s: Irma, tag anda lepas exam ya? Terlalu stressed out utk menulis post tag. Kang tertulis benda lain pulak jadinya.

p p/s: So stressed out coz of psychology exam, I created a new theory myself. "Safwan's theory of love and attachment." I plan to write a thesis about this. Serious. Don't laugh. Take that Broenfrenbrenner....

What was I thinking....??

Just read Taufik's blog.

Congrats dude...

Your persuasive speech must've been awesome.

**************

I think if I get an A for Oral Communication subject, it must have been a miracle. A divine intervention. My speech was not what you'd call awesome.

1) I was thinking about doing why we should eat more fruits. But after reading my older blog posts, I realized I blogged about people getting infected with dengue so much, I decided to change the topic. And it was exactly 24 hours before I presented. It took twelve hours for me to research, another three to construct my speech. and I have to submit psychology test on the same day and I hadn't done shit.

Coz of that, I never got a chance to memorize my speech. I can recall only gists of the paragraphs. Since I didn't want to look nervous by reading aloud my speech, half of the time was actually impromptu. I stutter like a boat stalling.

2)I said this in my speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I believe had we taken up actions to prevent dengue, my friends wouldn't have got infected with dengue. Yuslina wouldn't have been infected. Hidayati's housemates wouldn't have been infected. And I believe, if we take up actions to prevent dengue seriously, everyone in this room will never get infected. I bet you my left pinky finger."

Fuck. It came out before I can control it.

Oi! Stupid! What are they supposed to do with your pinky finger la idiot???!! Whack mosquitoes with it??

3) As if that's not enough, I also said this in my speech.

"[bla bla bla]. And to prevent the spreading of dengue fever, don't rely on Government's fogging. FOGGING, NOT FUCKING."

Again. A slip of tongue. And it's a tempah neraka statement.

Of course la they know what fogging and fucking is, you imbecile. And of course they would've heard it right the first time.

How in the blue hell is by fucking, we can solve our dengue fever crisis???!!!

**********************************************

I must have been mental, fucking up my assessment like that. It must have been because of my blog.

I knew I shouldn't have named it Slip of Tongue.

Herne, Aku Jeles.

Tell me straight to my face that you ain't jealous the time she told you she's going to Camp Rock Malaysia.

Coz I sure was jealous....

Perlu lah beliau mengkhabarkan berita gembira itu dengan nada gembira melalui segala saluran media massa...

Sentap aku nyah.

I wanted to go too, you know? I was just about to record a video of me reciting a poem I wrote myself when I realized that the deadline was over.

And Herne got the invitation.

DEMMIT!

Tak boleh Jadik! This cannot be happening!

****************************

I spent the following days plotting the best way to get her.

And finally it came to me.

Who does getting people better other than Rudy and JJ from Hitz.FM itself? The lie would look more believable, and everyone would know that it was my idea, and whole Malaysia would know I was the mastermind. It's pure genius!

The plan:

Ask Rudy and JJ to tell Herne that she actually wasn't invited at all. They meant other Herne instead of her. It was pure mistake.

The catch:

The Idea hatched too late. I got exactly 7 days to ask Rudy and JJ to Gotcha her.

So I asked around for her number. But the person who gave me the number (can't remember who) recalled it from Memory. Tak tengok henset langsung. Whoever that person was must love her so much lar.

So when I got that number, I was a bit sceptical. Betul ke ni number dia? So I had to check. I called the number.

Me : Hello? Ni Herne eh?

Her: Yep. Whassap? (Suara cam bangun tido) Sape ni?

Me: Ni Safwan ni... Nak tanya.. camne eh jalan nak ke Sunway Pyramid Dari Shah Alam?

Her: (explains panjang lebar tapi satu apa pon tak masuk sebab misi utama aku call dia hanyalah semata mata untuk make sure itu number dia. Habis Rm3 kedit aku.)

So I submitted the Gotcha application, hoping that they were able to process that form laju laju and get her.

But you know the saying.. Human proposes, but God disposes.

And God must love her so much coz the Gotcha application never went on air......


Moral of the story: I'm not evil enough.

Had I been evil enough, the plan would hatch the very moment she told me she's going to Camp Rock Malaysia.

Herne, Aku still tengah pikir camne nak kenekan ko.

Still takleh blah

It was a very hot day. Mark my words, it was hotter than me. Period.


My friend and I were walking to a gerai nasik campur just beside "Candles" Restaurant, until I discovered a stall, which was selling drinks and guava fruit. It came to me as a shock coz I never knew that stall existed.


Dengan badan tengah panas, ditambah hari yang panas giler, aku terus menyimpang jauh dari jalan kebenaran buat sementara waktu. Nak beli air kot.


Me: Akak, air yang ni satu.


Her: Ok..[Prepares the drink]


Me: Actually ni air ape?


Her: Air jambu batu.


Friend: Hehehe...aku ade statement nak laha ko nih...nanti la dulu....


[Bila dah jauh sikit dari stall tu.]


Me: Dikatakan ade statement... Nak gak dgr...


Friend: Aku tak leh blah tgk ko tadi time jumpa stall tu.


Me: Nape?


Friend: Gaya ko terkejut terjumpa stall tu cam gaya ko jumpa tuhan jer..[melakonkan balik] Mak aih! Kedai air!


Me: ?????!!!!!! Gila Lahanat statement ko....Kene panah petir saje je.......Aku tak ajar ko wat statement tempah neraka camtu dow.......

Queen captures E7, Checkmate to His Majesty..

Last saturday was Inter Faculty Sports (SAF) for Chess event. I, along with 5 others, represent Faculty of Education for that event.

The main reason that I joined this year's SAF is that I wanna redeem myself for doing poorly last year. Last year was hell. Faculty of education sent out TWO teams, and both of them ended up twentieth and twenty-first place. I think I was the one to blame.

I was up for the first round. At that round, I was beaten by some unknown dude and it took the best of me. I became too consumed by that defeat, it carried on to my later match-ups.

Fuck that. Last Saturday, I was very determined to win.

And we came close to that.

Although the rules now has changed to each faculty must send only one team, I can safely say that it was the best team we came up at the last minute. In fact, it was better than last year's.

We got Sharol, one of the UiCC member, KARISMA player (Karnival Sukan Universiti teknologi MARA) and he's quite good. I've beaten him a couple of times while I lost count of him beating me. (Yeah yeah, I'm a sore loser).

We also got Adi Syazwandi, who hails from Kuching that has been playing Chess for pocket money during his school years. He's a tough dude to beat, you know. Khairul Azri also joined us this year, and he's quite good.

We also got another player, but he told me not to mention his name. It's a shame, coz he's very good. For the sake of this blog, I'll name him Dude. Amri was new to chess, he needs a little more polishing for his openings, and teach him basic strategies such as pins, skewers, discoveries, and he'll be a tough dude to beat.

And of course, the faculty also got me. The fat wannabe.


For the goodness of the team, I became the first reserve instead of main lineup. It's not an easy task you know, coz everytime one of the main lineups needed rest, I'm the first pick for the switch. And mind you, they need rest a lot.

For the first round, I was reserved. The main lineups were out first. Azri, Dude, Sharol and Adi were up.

I observed the Azri's match, and to tell you the truth, it was pretty much anybody's game.





Azri was down by a couple of pieces later in the game, but managed to secure a mate out of the blue. That dude really is a kamikaze kinda dude. He sacrificed some pieces, hoping that his oppenent would take his bait, and it worked.

Dude slaughtered his opponent without mercy.

Sharol underestimated a knight's power, and didn't see a mate setup coming up his ass. Poor dude.

Adi said he lost due to only one mistaken move. So, it was two wins and two loses for the first round.

**************************

For the second round, I was up to replace Adi against FSSR. Knowing that I was up, I was feeling kinda nervous not to repeat the same mistake last year. I gathered my confidence, only to find that this was my opponent.


A FUCKING NOBODY. It turns out FSSR didn't have enough representative, and my opponent was JOE SCHMOELALALA. Crap. I was nervous for nothing. I got easy win. My teammates also kicked the opponent's asses silly all the way to Macau. We got 4 wins and no loses for the second round.

****************************************

For the third round, I was up again against Intec. The last year's defending champ.

This is my opponent which I forgot his name.


Due to his nerdy look, I figured that he has got all possible openings memorized by heart. Word has it, Intec dudes play by the book for the first 30 moves, and if their opponent decided to do their own variation, they will be puzzled.

I was sceptic for a bit. Luckily, I played white, so that made me easier to analyze his openings.

I pushed my king's pawn, and he replied with his bishop's pawn. Sicilian Opening. I took out my King's knight, he took out his king's knight also. KAWTIM. Sicilian Opening. So I played my bishop to attack his knight, and it proved a blunder. he later chased my bishop and I was down by a bishop for a pawn. Crap.

Since I lost by pieces, I need to gain space. I decided to play defensively.


(I still got both of my rooks, but out of focus. Lousy phone cam.)

He struggled to penetrate my defences, but I lack patience. I decided to counter attack, and it cost me severely. I lost the match. But I was the last man standing against the defending champ.
hihihi....


************************************

It's too tiring to give you guys round for round analyses but suffice to say, at the end of the day, we ended up sixth out of fifteen. Out of 4 matches, I took out 3 opponents. Quite OK la... Damn Intec dudes. The second place goes to Accounting Faculty. They've got a National player in their team. Law dudes settled for third.

*************************************

This year was better than last year's SAF. And for next year, I'm looking forward for the next SAF. Hopefully I can represent UiTM Shah Alam for KARISMA....

I watched a movie today...Yay!

It seemed that June 26th was the day good movies come out to play.

Play in the cinemas lar..Not the park!

You see, when I arrived at TGV KLCC, I didn't know which movie should I watch. It seemed all the movies are good movies...

I daren't do a movie marathon because I can somehow picture how my parents would've reacted. When after 20 days of Umrah, finding their son wasting money watching movies while they were in Mecca would've made any parents pissed off you know. So I only have the guts to watch just one.

With only Rm30 left in my allowance, I can't do movie marathons anyway...hahaha...

And choosing one among them is a tough one you know...


There's Ayat - Ayat Cinta showing...My friends say that it's a good movie, but I don't wanna watch it..Though the novel is good.. Yes, I admit, I read it.

You see, I've read Harry Potter. All seven books. But when I watch their movies, I was deeply disappointed. The magic in the novel always stays in the novel. Somehow, the director failed to bring the magic in the novel into their movies, and that's disappointing.. So I was thinking it might be the same case with this one.

And then there's Run Fatboy Run.




I saw the preview of this movie, and it was funny. But I also don't wanna watch it.

If I wanna see a fat boy running, I'd put a huge mirror in front of me and run like hell.


And then there's also one of our local movies, Sepi.



I was deeply intrigued to watch this movie, but I didn't.

I am sepi myself. I embodied the meaning of sepi. Why would I wanna watch someone else's sepi-ness? That'd make me even sepi-er! Maybe I should watch it after I've got myself a girlfriend, just to remind me of my sepi-ness before I found my future special someone. And maybe get a laugh ot two at the characters' sepi-ness.

"Mwahahaha... you guys are pathetic...."[giggles...]

And there's also The Nanny Diaries.


I know I shouldn't be judging this from the poster, but when I looked at the dullness of this poster, I can' help to think that the movie itself would be dull. So I didn't watch it.


There's also Incredible Hulk showing..



I saw the preview, and it was so-so. I didn't watch it. The reason is I saw the real hulk already, right here in Malaysia. So why watch the American one?





SEE! A BIG-ASS HULK CAMWHORING WITH HIS BIG-ASS CAMERA THAT HAS A BIG-ASS FLASH!!!


So I was left with Wanted.






It just came out, the preview was very good, so I watched it. It's a story about a regular joe that one day, he learns that his long lost father was a hell of an assassin that was killed by another assassin. So after that it's all melodramatic revenge bla bla bla...But in pursuit of that assassin that killed his father, he learns another shocking thing....

It's a damn good movie. The development of the storyline was slow, yet it grips. It twists and turns. It shocks and awe. Suffice to say, I didn't regret watching this movie.

But I think I'll regret watching this movie if somehow my parents found out that I've been watching movies while the were in Mecca....

Keep it a secret eh??