Sunday, August 31, 2008

Random politic thoughts

This entry will be full of curse words. To those who cannot bear to see one or two in every sentence, I'd advise you to press [CTRL+W] or [ALT+F4] to close down the damn window.


My brother, who is a computer programmer, is now in UK doing some computer project thingy.

I wish him the best of luck, and balik Malaysia cepat2.

Coz I wanna ask him how to read Raja Petra's blog without getting blocked. Maybe hack into the system and fuck things up (if he can).

Dah la stesen TV, radio, newspaper semua jilat bontot kerajaan, bloggers pon nak kena jilat jugak ke?

Camtu skali ke nak brainwash? By only allowing ass-kissing news out?

Kata mereka media kita makin transparent. Fuck transparent. Hari2 jilat bontot kedut diorg.

I'm not anti government, I'm not pro gevernment.

I'm just a person who wants to see media transparency. Transparency as in the news are not about kissing government's ass and fucking up the opposition. Transparency as in the medias are free in publishing news without fear. Transparency as in reporting the news as it is.


Yes, I read Raja Petra's blog. I read it coz his English is very good. Much of his style of writing has influenced me in some ways.

I still hate politics.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


To Liutenant Adnan,

To Bukit Kepong Heroes

To Tunku Abdul Rahman and his comrades

And to the unsung heroes of Malaya Independence,

From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.

Happy Independence Day.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Just now, my classmates and I had to attend to a Majlis Amanat Kemerdekaan in Dewan Seri Budiman.

The amanat thingy was held in UPM, and was streamed to us via Streamyx.

It was supposed to be high tech kinda thingy and I had a feeling they were expecting us to be like "WOW! KOOL SIAL!!"

But it's not. The video feed kept getting stuck no thanks to Streamyx. Half of the time the UiTM organizer had to cover malu by putting up videos of us instead.

It was very boring. This is how I look 10 minutes after the amanat started.

I was bored to tears, OK!!

I tried listening to my mp3 player, but they're out of battery. I tried checking out hot chicks. They're few.

That's when I decided to use my classic routine during boring events/classes: 1 hour-long piss.

So I went out of that hall and went out on my way to the toilet, until I saw this strange fella just outside of the hall door.


My 1 hour long piss was interrupted by cam whoring with the devil's piss.

Anyway, it's kinda KOOL.....

Coz I know that somebody's gonna rot in hell for this........


Monday, August 25, 2008

Strange picture

Just realized that this picture existed in my laptop.

Kinda strange, see?

I looked like I got a divine revelation, my brother looked like he got a divine retribution.

So guys, never mess with a Sumpah laknat.


The Olympic is over...

Malaysia managed to get a silver from badminton athlete, Lee Chong Wei.

Though only silver, the perks that dude got kinda looked like he just won 10 golds. Just a silver and he got Rm300k plus Rm3k monthly allowance till that dude die, and Datuk in his name (as if we haven't got enough Datuks already). WTF . Damn..... Just imagine if that dude won gold. Maybe he can be the next Prime Minister.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Kopi Kaw

Have you watched this?

It's Obviously Banned Commercial....

It's hilarious, I tell you!

Made by a friend of mine with his production team, YUMEcolors.

Check it out!

Monday, August 18, 2008

FAQs about me

Who are you?
I'm Safwan. just an average joe. you can call me Wang, Beruang, Bear, Leman or whatever name that's good.

Who gave you those nicks?
A law dude named Irfan gave me the name "Bear". He said I'm cute. But I beg to differ. Hakim, another law dude gave me the name Leman. Comes from the brand of my shirt. moral of the story, never buy pasar malam shirts.

You really like to camwhore, don't you?
Yes I do.

But you are ugly!
Ugly is the new beauty. (A stupid self-motivation by me)

What do you do?
I'm still studying...taking up TESL.

Wah...TESL SIOT!!....Then you must be good in English kan..??
Unfortunately, my English still needs improving. that's why you'll find some grammar errors here and there. Do point it out to me ya?

Why do you blog?
I blog so that I can entertain myself. I have funny things happening everyday and I want to document it so I can read them again later.

Shared pain is half pain, shared joy is double joy. that's why I blog those funny events so that others can have a laugh or two with me.

Why "Slip of Tongue"?
I dunno. It just came out of nowhere.

Your blog URL is too long lar...
Well, that's because another dude has got his hands first for first before I did. that's why I have to use instead. DON'T GET CONFUSED TAU!

Just bookmark my blog if you can't remember my URL....If you use Mozilla Firefox, click the orange thing that looks like wave thingy next to the address in URL bar...then add to live bookmark update. so next time if you wanna check whether I have updated or not, just click that thing and it'll tell you.

You are so fat lar...
So that I can Hempap you without mercy. I tend to do that when I get pissed off.

Why in the hell are you making this FAQs?
Because my first post, which is supposed to tell you about me is lame.

So you think this post is not lame?
I dunno....I think this is lame too...maybe I should post a stupid picture of me instead.

Ok..That's gross...Moving on, are you single?
Yep. single from birth.

You must be quite desperate.
I think so. Read here. The closest person who I came close to being coupled is this. I shouldn't reveal her name coz of some reasons.

If I ask you another question, would you answer it?

Ok, I'm gonna ask the question.. Can I stop asking?

Friday, August 15, 2008

Just a thought

Everyone in their right state of mind would know by now that Anwar Ibrahim, who is allegedly to have sodomized Saiful Bukhari is contesting for Permatang Pauh parliamentary seat.

Which I don't care actually. Sodomy or not, conspiracy or not, I couldn't care less.

What I do care now is that with Anwar Ibrahim sodomy case in the limelight, I couldn't find any updates on Altantuya Sharibuu's murder case anywhere in the national papers.

Can you?

If you do, please tell me what happens eh?

Maybe I missed some datelines of the next trial...

Still takleh blah

It was a very hot day. Mark my words, it was hotter than me. Period.

My friend and I were walking to a gerai nasik campur just beside "Candles" Restaurant, until I discovered a stall, which was selling drinks and guava fruit. It came to me as a shock coz I never knew that stall existed.

Dengan badan tengah panas, ditambah hari yang panas giler, aku terus menyimpang jauh dari jalan kebenaran buat sementara waktu. Nak beli air kot.

Me: Akak, air yang ni satu.

Her: Ok..[Prepares the drink]

Me: Actually ni air ape?

Her: Air jambu batu.

Friend: Hehehe...aku ade statement nak laha ko nih...nanti la dulu....

[Bila dah jauh sikit dari stall tu.]

Me: Dikatakan ade statement... Nak gak dgr...

Friend: Aku tak leh blah tgk ko tadi time jumpa stall tu.

Me: Nape?

Friend: Gaya ko terkejut terjumpa stall tu cam gaya ko jumpa tuhan jer..[melakonkan balik] Mak aih! Kedai air!

Me: ?????!!!!!! Gila Lahanat statement ko....Kene panah petir saje je.......Aku tak ajar ko wat statement tempah neraka camtu dow.......

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Sleepless nights

This is by far the most shitty poem I've ever written.

The only time I work in this poem is when I can't sleep.Thus the title, and the absurd structure and without meaning whatsoever.

Well, what'd you expect from a person desperately trying to sleep...???

Sleepless night

In my sleepless nights
I see the dance of darkness
From the starless sky
Unfurling its splendor

In my sleepless nights
I hear the concerto of silence
Playing the most melodious melodies

In my sleepless nights
I feel the sorrow haunting me
slowly gripping me tighter by each second

In these sleepless nights
That's when I realize
That I am alone.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

The story of you and me

This is my first poem after 1 solid year of inspirationless...

The story of you and me

I can still recall the story of you and me

It's the day I said I love you
then you said you loved me too
then we were together
looked like it'd last forever

but one day you got bored with me and looked for another man
but it's not any ordinary man, it's my best friend.
It all came so suddenly out of the blue
you left me there thinking what have I done wrong to you.

It took years for me to snap back into reality
And I moved on with my life happily
Seriously, I thought this was the end of the story
Come this fateful day, you came back looking for me

You said remember the times when we were together?
We used to do crazy things together
Then you said we still have our future together
just picture the faces of our future sons and daughter

I don't know about you, but I think it's full of crap
It got me thinking whether it's another trap
so just get away from me and leave me be
Coz I've got better things to do than rewriting the story of you and me.


It's got nothing to do with me, my life, my friends, or whosoever you can think of.

Friday, August 8, 2008

To Sir Mahadi, with respect.

It seems like it was just yesterday he interviewed me into UiTM's Pre-Tesl program in Kuantan......



Mahadi: May I have your documents please?

Me : Sorry sir, but these are the only things I could provide in a short time. I was on a rush from Shah Alam and didn't have time to look for other documents you want.

Mahadi: It's ok..So what were you doing in Shah alam?

Me : I had a replacement class on Friday.

Mahadi: Replacement class? What replacement class?

Me : Philosophy of Education. I'm taking up Diploma Tesl in a private college near there.

Mahadi: o..I see... So why are you still applying for this Pre Tesl program?

Me : Actually the Diploma is my backup plan, just in case I didn't get into this program..

Mahadi : I see... you seem very enthusiastic to enter this program.. So what do you have to offer?

Me : I'm not sure if I got your question...Can you paraphrase it?

Mahadi : What sets you apart from other candidates? What's your X-Factor?

Me : (thinking hard) I'm not sure what you'd call this, but lemme tell you a story. You see, when I was in standard 6, I was educated in a kampung school. So you can just imagine the student's English abilities. I had more exposure to English coz I used to study at urban school. So when my friends were kinda shy to ask the teacher about something, they went to me. So I taught them what I knew. And I don't know why, but everytime I taught them something and they understood it, I have this weird feeling, you know, like you've just accomplished something, and you want more, just to feel that feeling once again. I guess it's what you call passion..Yes, passion..

Mahadi : (Looks at me, silent for quite a long time, and then smiled) Very well, mr Safwan, I think we're done with you.


In case you don't know, Mr Mahadi is suffering from the no 1 killing disease in Malaysia, cancer. I'm not sure how sick he is, but he has to go to chemotherapy sessions each month, and it costs around Rm2000 per session. That's almost like monthly payments for a BMW dammit!

That's why MeKar Amal is held. It's to ease Mr Mahadi's financial burden. Go there, have a look around, and just buy something or join in activities there.

It never hurts to help a man in need.

(While you're there, check out Ethos! Book Club. They have kick ass books for rent. Try sandwich from Afnan's stall. It's damn good. Look for a thick lipped Kelantan dude with glasses.)


I'll always pray for his recovery. Hopefully, he'll be able to see that my passion for teaching hasn't died ever since.

(Photo grabbed without permission from ms. Moon's friendster. Sorry miss moon....)

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

A friend in agony

This is my friend, Ezza.

As you can see here, she loves camwhoring. Just like me.

But for now onwards, her camwhoring days will have to be put on pause as she's currently suffering from dengue fever. She's in agony, and has been in and out of UiTM's Medical Center ward for 3 days. Just now when I saw her, she was sound asleep. She was under a few layers of blankets and still shaking from her coldness....

Poor her. I guess right now she must be feeling kinda bummed coz she can't camwhore as often as she did. She would look ugly if she tries to.

So guys, a shoutout here.

Clean your house often, throw away stagnant water, use mosquito repellants when you sleep and other measures necessary known to human to keep those buggers away.

Never allow dengue fever stop your daily camwhoring activities.

For Ezza, I pray for her speedy recovery, so that we can camwhore together...hehehehe...

Monday, August 4, 2008

The Wira Girl

Though it's already two weeks old, I can't seem to get this event outta my heat. And for the rest of this entry, I feel like making a stupid poem.

Wira girl itu,
memparking kereta wira merahnya
di sebelah carwash.

Wira girl itu bertudung putih, berkaca mata.
Berbaju belang hitam biru dan putih,
Sehitam keretamu yang kotor ketika itu,
biru itu tenang, bak tenangnya air dalam botol pepsiku
dan tenangnya hatiku yang telah dikontrol..
belang putih baju itu pula seputih kulitmu, menambah seri ayu wajahmu...

Stainless steel modified downpipe ekzos keretamu,
Muffler ekzosmu mengaum garang
diselang seli jeritan serj tankian
mendendang lagu "Sky is over"
dari audio keretamu yang power giler.

bersamaku Wira Girl itu menunggu keretanya untuk dicuci

Di atas meja itu Wira Girl membuka buku biologi,
terdetik hati ini yg berkata "ni student INTEC ni..."
lalu menstudy kan diri...

Student INTEC kah? ku memulakan bicara
ya, Ausmat semester tiga, katanya
ADFP freshie kah? dia bertanya
student education kubetulkan

lantas kita berbicara panjang
sekali sekala daku terpandang
muka muka jaki abang abang cuci kereta
jeles melihat kita berbicara..

nah, sudah siap keretanya, sepuluh ringgit upahnya
ujar abang cuci kereta kepada Wira girl.
haruskah ketika itu abang cuci kereta itu menyetelkan kerjanya?
perlukah dia mengganggu ku?

Wira girl itu lantas mengucap bye bye kepadaku
lalu berlalu meninggalkanku
Tinggallah aku terkapai kapai tak keruan..
karena tidaklah ingat untuk ku tanya namamu...

Ku menunggu keretaku dicuci oleh abang cuci kereta.
sekali sekala muka jaki itu tersenyum bangga.

Lima minit kemudian Wira Girl datang tanpa keretanya
menuju ke mejaku tergesa gesa
daku kaget, terpinga pinga
rupa rupanya buku biologi yang tertinggal yang dicari

Wira Girl itu kemudian tersenyum manja
lalu pergi tanpa kata.....

otak Lampi ku tiba tiba berkata,
"apesal ko tak bukak je buku dia tu?
Sah sah la dia tulis nama dia kat situ!"

Hatiku menjerit.....
Ingin sekali ku kenal dirinya...
Oh, Inikah chenta....?

Oh, Wira Girl

Saturday, August 2, 2008

PC Unfair

I now officially hate Pikom PC Fairs held the KL Convention Centre ones.

Last Saturday, my sis, my younger brother Hafiz and I went to the PC fair in KL Convention centre. It's like our annual big thing, you know, us siblings meet up at Abang Nazim's house and look for pc stuffs.

We used to enjoy pc fairs that were used to be in PWTC.

But, when the venue changed, I began to hate pc fairs in klcc.

The exhibits are displayed in 8 halls, namely convention hall, banquet hall, thehallnameiforgot hall, and hall 1 to 5. And "big" is an understatement.

The thing is, visitors must enter through convention hall, proceed to each exhibit hall one by one and then only they can exit through hall 5.

What are the organizers thinking????!!!

Do they think that by forcing us to see each exhibits, the visitors would buy something that they don't need??? Do they expect this monologue playing inside the visitor's head?



Think about the visitors lar.... Lets say the visitor just bought a PC from convention hall. How would you expect the visitors to carry 9 kilos of PC through each halls??? Have mercy la idiot.

Stupid organizers.

Suffice to say, I was irritated at that time. Being the fouled-mouth fucker, I can't help to say it loudly while on the way exit. Hope the message sinks in to their thick skulls.


My sis bought a new PC during the PC fair. She's got herself a new iMac 20 inch 2.66 gHz 4gb ddr2 ram 320 gb hard disk for rm5k+

Me and my brother had to carry that stuff from KLCC to LRT station, and from there to Abang Nazim's house.

It's fucking heavy.

But seeing the look of awe from the people passing by really makes my balls grow bigger.

Suddenly, this fat dude became the hot stuff.

Probably I should always carry an empty iMac box to classes.