On my way here

Clay Aiken - On my way here.

I'd rather try and fail
A thousand times denied
At least, whenever you feel pain
It lets you know that you're alive

Clay, lagu kau menusuk kalbu.

A letter to God 2

Dear Allah,

Thank you for answering my prayers...

Next time I'm at one of your houses, I'm gonna give some donations. And I'm not gonna screw it up again.

Thank you again...!

Your servant,

Safwan

A little girl I once knew

The trip to Terengganu really brought back a lot of memory of me growing up..

It happened when my mum asked me to drive her to Pasar Payang that made me reminisce of a little girl I once knew.

The only thing I can't remember is her name. I have a big problem at that department.

****************************

I was 10 at that time.

Every Saturday morning, I used to learn Al Quran recitation in my dad's friend's school, Atta'wuniah Al Jadidah somethingsomething (I forgot). The coolest thing about this place is, they offer pick up service from your house to the school. This is so that the parents can't complain of being too busy to send their children to learn Al Quran.

The driver that always used to pick me up was Pak Awang, but since it is Terengganu, people call him Pok Wang.

I was the only student he had to pick up for Saturday mornings, until one fateful day.

After picking me up, he would go to Pasar Kedai Payang to pick up this one little girl. She's so small you could have easily mistaken her for an elf. She was roughly around 5 at that time.

The thing was, I hate it. I hate having to wait to pick her up.

Saturday mornings at Pasar Payang is a heart attack waiting to happen. Literally. That place is so packed up, the traffic jam alone is enough to cause a healthy people hypertension, Diabetes and severe depression.. Wait till you smell the stench.

After a couple of weeks, only then I started to talk to her. And she initiated the conversation. If she hadn't I would no have known her at all.



Her: Abang, Abang belajar baca Al Quran dah sampai mana?

Me: (Proudly) Abang dah baca sampai Surah Ali Imran. Adik?

Her: Adik baru sampai Iqra 6. Nanti adik naik Al Quran besar, adik nak kejar Abang. Kita lumba siapa khatam dulu!

Me: Hahaha...Ok ok... ermm Adik, abang nak tanya satu bole?

Her: Apa?

Me: Kenapa Pok Wang kena ambik adik kat Pasar Payang? Kenapa tak ambik kat rumah?

Her: Ooo... tu sebab pak cik adik jual sayur kat situ... Pagi pagi kena buka kedai awal awal. Pak cik kata banyak berkat pagi pagi. Allah tolong orang rajin.

Me: Betul. Adik duduk dengan Pak cik? Mak ayah mana?

Her: Mak ayah dah takde.

Me: InnalillahuwainnaIlaihirajiun....

Her: Mak ayah adik meninggal 2 minggu lepas. Rumah adik terbakar. Pagi pagi lagi. Mak, ayah, abang, semua meninggal. Adik sorang je yang selamat. (On the verge of tears.)

Me: Sabar eh dik....

Her: Mak adik sempat selamatkan adik. Lepas tu, dia masuk balik dalam rumah sebab abang dengan ayah terkunci dalam bilik lain. Tapi lepas dia masuk, rumah runtuh.

Adik boleh dengar diorang menjerit.

Pak cik cakap, kalau adik sayang arwah keluarga adik, adik kena banyak buat amal. Ustaz cakap amal anak soleh dan solehah boleh buat mak, ayah dengan abang masuk syurga. Adik nak baca Al Quran rajin rajin.

Adik tak nak diorang kena bakar lagi dalam neraka. Cukuplah diorang kena bakar dekat dunia.

Me: Adik, sabar eh? Ni ujian Allah. Allah tak uji kita kalau Dia tahu kita tak boleh tahan...

Her: Adik tau. Adik sayang mak, ayah dengan abang.


***************************************************************

It touched me.

For a girl so small, so young, so frail looking, so vulnerable, she had to endure a grown up's burden.

I feel sorry for her...


************************************

I would like to extend my deepest condolences to Nashrah for her grandmother's demise and In, for the loss of her mother.

Semoga roh mereka berada dikalangan orang orang yang mendapat rahmat Allah.





p/s: She beat me in the Khatam Quran Race. I khatam-ed for the first time in my life only this semester. Don't ask why.....

Well, better late than never...... Hihihi....

The days

I dread Doomsday. But there's also one day that I've been dreading ever since I hit puberty.

That day is today, November 3, 2008.

Coz this is the day that I will turn 20.

I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! NOOOO!!!

I refuse to be twenty! I wanna be TWENTEEN instead!

**********************************************

You see, when you turn 20, there are things that people expect from you.

They expect you to be much wiser.

They expect you to be more matured.

They expect you to be able to think for yourself, and judge right and wrong for yourself.

All because the number one in front of your age is replaced by number two.

The thing is, I'm not.

I'm not what you'd call wise and matured. Half, if not all, of what I say everyday is actually a load of bull. I can't think for myself. I can't even make my own decision. I take up TESL coz of eeny meeny myne moe. Every time me and my friends go out, I'd just let them pick out the place we should hangout. My decision making is that hopeless.

And my judgment skills aren't any better. I did loads of stupid things I wish my mom wouldn't know. Hopefully she doesn't know. One thing's for sure, I'm not gay.

I just can't picture myself being a wise old dude saying wise things.

Ok, I'm digressing now.

Where was I?

Right. When we grow up, things also get tougher (duh!). It's been a long time our homework' difficulty is something like 2+2=___?

It's been a long time that I would raise my hand and jump up enthusiastically in classes so that teachers notice me when she asked questions.

It's been a long time since I bombarded my dad with questions like

"Ayah, ayah! Kalau Singa tu Raja hutan, harimau tu ape? Permaisuri hutan eh?"

"Ayah, ayah! Itu burung ape? Burung tu makan ape? Tak sakit ke dia makan benda tu?"

"Ayah, ayah! Tengok ni Wang lukis ape kat tadika! Wang lukis muka ayah!"

"Ayah, ayah! Tengok! Wang tuyih (tulis) mende kat kerusi kete tu!"


And he was always patient with me when I did those things. Now I know how annoying it would be.

It has been a long time since I did those things. I miss those days.

But the thing is, once you grow up, you can never regress back. It's the law of nature.

******************************

I guess I'll just have to adapt myself with those changes. That's what I supposed to do, isn't it? Coz no matter what I do, things will always get tougher by the second.

Even when I call myself a twenteen years old.

Luahan perasaan

I've you have been eagerly waiting for my updates, too bad coz this will be a shitty one.

Been feeling kinda shitty for these past few days....

************************

I'm like Severus Snape.

She is Lily Evans.

I'll leave it to you to figure out.

(Not the sekolah menengah girl.)

*************************

It sucks to have people telling me what I should do about me.

You ain't my(boss/mom/girlfriend/gundik/wife/father/boyfriend/husband,scandal). Potong yang mana tak berkenaan.

****************************

Assignments keep piling up,

Datelines closing in,

Yet I'm still in La la Land.

I need somebody to slap me back to reality. Herne, kau kata nak slap aku kalo aku slacking off my studies? Nanti kat faculty tempeleng aku laju laju eh?

**************************

Laptop buat hal lagi

I give up. I'm done repairing that shit.

*******************

There're more things that I am upset about...But I guess I better stop here before any tempah neraka statements are made and hearts are hurt.

(Hati diorang aku jaga, diorang jaga ke hati aku?)

Random thoughts on last thursday

Thought of updating last Thursday, but haven't got hold of Internet connection ever since. Blame Aziz. He went back to Sabah for Raya too early. Hahahhaha....(Aziz, kalo ko bace, rilek ar weh, Raya kot.)

***************************************

Had Japanese language class that day.

Sensei (teacher) said "tensa"( or something like it, can't remember) is train, and "chikatetsu" = underground subway.

then asked, "Putra LRT ne, tensa desu ka, chikatetsu desu ka?" (Is Putra LRT a train or a subway?)

I think it's neither. I think it's gay.

Ye lar... sometimes top sometimes bottom kot. Sah sah la flexi......

***************************************

I caught a terrible flu that day. Sneezing like hell.

But it was kinda kool though. Due to the flu, I got an excellent idea for my daily tempah neraka statement making.

I got home, and one of my housemates merepek ape tah, and I just couldn't stand it. I accidentally sneezed and this statement came out.

"AAACHUUM! Alhamdulilah. But excuse me, I'm allergic to bullshit."

That my friend, has made my day. Muahahahaha....

Coz of the flu, I felt so dizzy even to walk, let alone go to class. So I skipped. When people asked me why didn't I go to phonetics class or Kesatria that day, I said "I think I'm allergic to them."

Ingatkan dah sakit tu ade la nak bertaubat....Turned out I did more sins than ever.....Isk...

Dilemma oh Dilemma....(updated)

Meet my laptop.







I hate my laptop.

Wait. That doesn't sound right.

I fucking hate it. Yeah....That's it...

Last 2 years, the left speaker got blown up causing only my right speaker to function. To this date, only my right speaker's functioning, despite showing signs of blowing up. Bunyi pecah pecah, Sound slow nak mampus eventhough I set it to the highest volume. But that's tolerable, since I have a nice noise canceling earphone.

My RAM is also showing signs of breaking down. It is so unstable that when I run programs, sometimes it automatically shuts down and I get Blue Screen of Death. I can't even move my laptop around so much as moving it would somehow fuck the the thing that connects the RAM with the motherboard and would cause starting up failure. OI! How am I supposed to do my assignments??!! Even right now, I'm posting this post using my roomate's computer.

As if both of them is not enough, my battery's leaking. It's my fault anyway. Saper suruh tak cabut plug after shut down? Right now, it's pointless for me to use the battery. Tahan 15 MINIT JE KOT. Start2 je dah kong. WTF? That's why I resorted to just taking off that battery and run my laptop on AC power.

Wait, there's more. My [x] button is broken. I have to press it harder to for it to appear. Coz of that, my typing speed is somewhat reduced and I have to carefully pick words with less [x]. And I think there's no [x]es in the previous paragraphs. Hahaha...

*************************

I don't know what should I do with that thing.

If I were to repair all those things, It'd cost me this.

Speakers: Rm 250.

RAM: RM 300. ( 1 gb DDR RAMs are hard to find, and expensive.) (I need 1 gb RAM coz most of my apps require high speed processing.)

Battery: RM 350.

RM 250 + 300 + 350 = RM 900 + Kemarahan ayah aku yang ganas.

Kalo mintak duit nak repair sah sah la kene basuh dulu ngan my dad. "Tu la, Install game mengarut2. Abih hancur.."

One of my friends suggested me to buy another laptop. My laptop's old already. For me to keep repairing it would be a waste of money. Things keep breaking down, but I get things less powerful eventhough I pay high price. It's a liability.

Either way, both options require money, which is something I don't have. Maybe I should just let it be and be content with what I have. I've done it for the past one and a half year and I think I can still manage. HOPEFULLY.

Sigh... If only I can do this:

From Slip of tongue

All my problems would be solved......

**********UPDATE********************

My laptop just got worse.

My [T] button dah nak tercabut. Dah la mahal nak tukar keyboard... RM250 kot.

So I have to update my calculation...

RM 250 + RM 250 + RM300 + RM350 = RM1150 + Kemarahan Ayah dan mak yang lebih ganas.

Nak kena cari sugar mummy nih......

Random politic thoughts

This entry will be full of curse words. To those who cannot bear to see one or two in every sentence, I'd advise you to press [CTRL+W] or [ALT+F4] to close down the damn window.

*********************************************

My brother, who is a computer programmer, is now in UK doing some computer project thingy.

I wish him the best of luck, and balik Malaysia cepat2.

Coz I wanna ask him how to read Raja Petra's blog without getting blocked. Maybe hack into the system and fuck things up (if he can).

Dah la stesen TV, radio, newspaper semua jilat bontot kerajaan, bloggers pon nak kena jilat jugak ke?

Camtu skali ke nak brainwash? By only allowing ass-kissing news out?

Kata mereka media kita makin transparent. Fuck transparent. Hari2 jilat bontot kedut diorg.

I'm not anti government, I'm not pro gevernment.

I'm just a person who wants to see media transparency. Transparency as in the news are not about kissing government's ass and fucking up the opposition. Transparency as in the medias are free in publishing news without fear. Transparency as in reporting the news as it is.


***********************************

Yes, I read Raja Petra's blog. I read it coz his English is very good. Much of his style of writing has influenced me in some ways.

I still hate politics.

Hangover??

Just now, my classmates and I had to attend to a Majlis Amanat Kemerdekaan in Dewan Seri Budiman.

The amanat thingy was held in UPM, and was streamed to us via Streamyx.

It was supposed to be high tech kinda thingy and I had a feeling they were expecting us to be like "WOW! KOOL SIAL!!"

But it's not. The video feed kept getting stuck no thanks to Streamyx. Half of the time the UiTM organizer had to cover malu by putting up videos of us instead.

It was very boring. This is how I look 10 minutes after the amanat started.




I was bored to tears, OK!!

I tried listening to my mp3 player, but they're out of battery. I tried checking out hot chicks. They're few.

That's when I decided to use my classic routine during boring events/classes: 1 hour-long piss.

So I went out of that hall and went out on my way to the toilet, until I saw this strange fella just outside of the hall door.



..........................................

My 1 hour long piss was interrupted by cam whoring with the devil's piss.

Anyway, it's kinda KOOL.....

Coz I know that somebody's gonna rot in hell for this........

MUAHAHAHAHA....................

Olympic

The Olympic is over...

Malaysia managed to get a silver from badminton athlete, Lee Chong Wei.

Though only silver, the perks that dude got kinda looked like he just won 10 golds. Just a silver and he got Rm300k plus Rm3k monthly allowance till that dude die, and Datuk in his name (as if we haven't got enough Datuks already). WTF . Damn..... Just imagine if that dude won gold. Maybe he can be the next Prime Minister.

Just a thought

Everyone in their right state of mind would know by now that Anwar Ibrahim, who is allegedly to have sodomized Saiful Bukhari is contesting for Permatang Pauh parliamentary seat.

Which I don't care actually. Sodomy or not, conspiracy or not, I couldn't care less.

What I do care now is that with Anwar Ibrahim sodomy case in the limelight, I couldn't find any updates on Altantuya Sharibuu's murder case anywhere in the national papers.

Can you?

If you do, please tell me what happens eh?

Maybe I missed some datelines of the next trial...

My nephew

I love kids.....

Don't you?

Burning questions

Before we go further, I want to make it clear that I do not support any political parties whatsoever. Malaysian politics are too boring anyways. I'll try to be as impartial as I can..

Now, Anwar Ibrahim faces yet another charge of sodomy.

I simply can't grasp the concept of sodomy.
What kind of fun is it that you get when you insert your big bird into another man's shit hole?
To me,It's just plain disgusting. Stupid Gay-ism. If this is Zaman Nabi, Malaysia will be obliterated from the earth.

Back to Anwar's case.

In this case, I don't know what to believe in.

If 1998's case was a true case, obviously doing jail time failed to deliver the punishment. If 1998 case was a set up, then the conspirators are maybe out of ideas on how to pin that guy down.

Maybe the conspirators thought the rakyat will believe it, you know? They say he did it in 1998, why not have a 10 year anniversary celebration by sodomizing someone else in 2008?

That's why I will not pass my judgment into this matter until I can ask a few questions to the victim.


1) How big Anwar's dick is?
Is it long and hard or short and limp? You'll know it because you've been sodomized by him on repeated accounts as you claim here.

2) Why didn't you report it the first time he had sodomized you?
Please don't tell me you were enjoying those.. (I'm joking...) If your safety was threatened, I can understand..

3) I don't see any defense wound you inflicted on Anwar. Were you resisting him at all during those accounts?
Scratch his face maybe, or maybe tied his dick into a knot or whatever...? Besides, you didn't tell us about your injuries.. In the papers you merely said you submitted your medical reports, and basically that's it. No details made public....


These are the burning questions I want to ask the victim. Just so I know that what he claimed is not a political conspiracy set up by the higher ups.

Conspiracy or not, either way, I couldn't care less. Politic sucks more than a vacuum cleaner. Period.

Geez, I must've been watching too much Prison Break. Conspiracies and all.. Better play DotA...

Goal

Jim Carrey, before he became famous, once wrote a 10 million Dollars cheque and kept it in his pocket. Now, he earns about twenty million Dollars for a movie. Several years later after he became famous, he tucked the ten million Dollars cheque in his father's pocket before his burial.

Scott Adams was a lowly technology worker and used to get meager salary. In the cubicle of his office, he spent his free time doodling. One day, he decided to write "I wanna be a syndicated comic artist" FIFTEEN TIMES A DAY. Now, he is the comic artist of Dilbert, which is now published over 1000 newspapers worldwide.


What do these two dudes have in common?

They write their goals. They write it, they keep it close, and they work hard to make their goals come true.

I was always the lazy one to write my goals in motivation camps during UPSR, PMR, and SPM. At that time, I thought, "Que sera, sera." Whatever will be, will be. Apa nak jadi, jadi la.

Now, seeing their success, I think I should write my own goals from now on.

1) I want to stop being mediocre, and score at least 4 dean list award during my study.

2) I want to further my studies overseas, and work in a University either in Japan of USA. So that I can teach either Malaysian studies or ESL.

3) I want a Professor in my name.

4) I want oopsmytongueslipped.blogspot.com to have at least a thousand hits per day.


The problem with me is, I am easily distracted. I need your help. If any of you see me slacking off in my studies, please punch me hard in my face....

One dude hard to forget

Meet Mr Ki.

He's Khairul Azli. Take the "K" from Khairul and I from Azli, What does it spell?? Mr Ki!!(read it in a cheer leader tone)

Back in Kuantan, he used to teach us College Writing, one of my favorite subjects (though I kinda suck at it). He took over our previous lecturer coz basically, she sucks. Because of her sarcastic remarks, half of the class cried and the other half deeply de-motivated to learn College Writing.

What we did was we reported it to our coordinator, and she sacked that woman for us. Good riddance. That's when he came into the picture.

With the previous lecturer sacked, we need a new lecturer (duh). For about 2 weeks, we didn't have lecture for the Writing class. On one fateful day, Mdm Noraini, the then TESL program coordinator finished her drama class with us saying,

"Oh, and by the way, I've got you guys a new lecturer. He's male, and apparently very cute...So ladies, behave..."

Needless to say, after that statement from the person well known for her seriousness, I can't help but to be anxious.

I don't care he's cute.How will he be?.. Garang or not.. strict or not... ?

I got a feeling the girls were anxious about something else..

How cute..? Zac Efron cute or Orlando Bloom cute? Just joking..hehehe...

Then it was the moment of truth..

He walked right to the front of the class, and his first sentence that came out of his mouth was,

"Assalamualaikum."

haha... OK ok.. I'll get back to the point. This is what he did.

"Lemme lay down a few rules here in my class.

First, if you're getting sleepy and want to yawn, juz go ahead and yawn however manner you like. If you wanna follow the sunnah, fine by me. If you wanna yawn like animals, suit yourself.

Second, if you are hungry, just go ahead and eat in my class. Obviously not nasi bungkus or anything heavy, but please just eat. And don't ask for my permission whether you can eat or not.

Third, if you wanna go out, to toilet or just to get a breather, just go ahead, and again, never ask for my permission. It disrupts the class.

Fourth, just reply or answer any calls that may come to you during class. If you don't, the person on the other end may feel uneasy."

OMG.... He's broken every rules of thumb about disciplining students, but I like that. He understands us, see.

We can't control being sleepy and hungry. They're physiological needs...Maslow's hierarchy of needs at the bottom part, if I'm not mistaken.

At that time, I got a feeling that his class won't be dull.

I was right.

I can still recall one incident he said,

"I can't help to notice that we Malaysians are too polite. Even to point at things, we have rules for that.

If you think THIS is RUDE,

But THIS is RUDER!"

But the thing that made him unforgettable is because he's not your average lecturer.

For each writing class, we are required to submit journal entries. Pick a topic from the list, and say what we wanna say in writing. And then, submit.

Usually, during this time, I wrote about my problems. Relationships, personal, studies, whatever lah..And he'd give me advices written as comments on that particular piece of journal. He's helped me through tough times in Kuantan, and I am sure that he has helped others.

In the last class for the semester, we cried. If previously we cried because of insults, but on that day, we cried because he's a good lecturer and he'll not be teaching us anymore.

He's funny, he's kind, he's allegedly cute by Mdm. Noraini. He's Khairul Azli. He was my lecturer. He's a friend.

He's one dude I find hard to forget.

I feel bad

This ain't a jiwang stuff.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know this would happen.

I didn't know this would hurt so much.

I never knew that by simply putting your blog link in my blog will hurt you so much.

I never knew someone would say such things to you.

I'm sorry.

I never knew your blog would be assaulted by such a person.

I'm sorry.

I take full responsibility of whatever happened.

I'm sorry.

How people like things - seen by me

It all started out in a Yahoo Messenger chatroom.
[cornholio_denali is me, yuffiesilver is my friend]

yuffiesilver: lol at the zohan poat
yuffiesilver: *post
yuffiesilver: anyway here's mine
yuffiesilver: http//******
yuffiesilver: http://********

***After a while from reading her blog***

cornholio_denali: kool2..
cornholio_denali: still with ur fanaticism with korean stars, i see..
cornholio_denali: hehehe
yuffiesilver: not fanaticism
yuffiesilver: fangirlism
cornholio_denali: what's the difference...?
cornholio_denali: everything u do, you must have their faces
cornholio_denali: hehehe
cornholio_denali: ur friendster, myspace,
yuffiesilver: really ah?
cornholio_denali: ur blog also
yuffiesilver: im a healthy fan
cornholio_denali: ......
cornholio_denali: hahaha
yuffiesilver: im not that obsessed but i do get lost looking at their pics
yuffiesilver: until i almost mistakenly call my senior chang min
cornholio_denali: ????!!!!
cornholio_denali: hahaha...
cornholio_denali: admit it...
cornholio_denali: u r obsessed..
cornholio_denali: even can't differentiate ur senior's face from changmin
yuffiesilver: i can actually
yuffiesilver: but bila ternampak dia senyum, teringat pulak kat senyuman si changmin tu

......................

That's not the end of the chat, but I purposely cut out the end part of our conversation as it contains private stuffs. Definitely not for your ears.

Not THAT kind of private, if you must know ;)

Anyway, after chatting with her, I noticed that when it comes to liking something, there are three kinds of interaction between the subject and the object. I may be wrong, but this is what I can see...

1) "The Regular I-Kinda-Like-This-Thing"

These are the kind of people who like something, and basically that's it. The thing that they like do not interfere their daily life in anyway whatsoever. They eat rice, drink water, shit healthy shits, and stuffs other normal people do. For example, I kinda like Nissan GTR coz it's a cool car. It's sexy and it gets whoever fortunate enough to afford one from A to B unnecessarily quick. Go ahead and say "Eh, Ferrari is better lah..." and I wouldn't waste my time on trying to persuade you to like Nissan GTR.


2) "The Die-Hard-Fan"

These are the kind of people who like the thing and no else. For example I have a friend who likes Manchester United. He eats Man U, drinks Man U, and sleeps Man U. Because of the excessive intake of daily "Man U-ness", I have a strong feeling that he pisses and shits Man U as well. Just for the fun of it, I walked right up to him one day and said "Fuck Man U. Chelsea'll kick your sorry lil' ASS! Mwahahahahahahahaa!" After that, he didn't speak to me for the whole school session. Even to that extent...


3) "The Zen Fan"

These people are hard to spot. These are the kind of people who like the thing very very and I mean VERY MUCH but never admit it. On the surface they look like just what average joes look like, but when no one's around, they indulge in the guilty pleasures... For example, I have a friend who dresses like rockers. He listens to rock songs like Mudvayne, Metallica, Children of Bodom, System of a Down and the likes, but on one fateful day, I caught him singing ANUAR ZAIN in the shower.

"Ku percaya jua...Sesucinya cintamu...."

Caught red-handed, he warned me never to tell anybody. But "oops, my tongue slipped. Hehe"

Kalau tak jatuh, kita tak belajar untuk bangun

Exam result's out.

It shocked me so much, I was speechless at that time. How can it be? Is it real? Please don't make it official...

But it is. It is real, it is official. My result dropped. Damn...

Last sem, I got 3.47, just 0.03 shy for the dean's list. At that time, I said to myself, "You're nearly there, man! Just work harder this sem!"

So I worked harder. I've put a lot of effort this sem, but somehow I still came up short. The worst part is, Dean's list is moving further away..

After putting a lot of effort into this, to see it all crumble beneath my feet hurts me so much.AARRGGHH!!!

Damn....

Then, I chatted with Aziz and Michelle. As expected, they are once again among the Dean's list award winners. Ana and Yus too. Congrats guys.. Though I'm the biggest dude among them, I felt really small...

Thanks guys for the encouragement...It really means a lot...

************************************************

The frustration built up. So, I went to a bookshelf to look for books to read.

I' think I'm a weird dude..Who reads a book when he's frustrated??

Out of nowhere, I found my old College Writing text book. I immediately turned to the last cover page and read what my last college writing lecturer wrote to me.



Thanks Mr Ki. Though you aren't here, you still manage to encourage me..Looking at your scribblings for signature and those four words, I recalled the last piece of advice you have given to me.

"Carpe Diem. It means seize the day. After this Bear, I want you to seize every opportunities that come to you. Seize every chance, never waste any. Seize the moment. Work hard, study hard, and never let that moment slip away. If you do all that, you will be among those who are victorious."

***********************************************************


Damn it! I'm done being mediocre. I'm done being just like anybody. This coming sem, I'm gonna work harder. No more Mr. Lazy Bum.

Semester 3, watch out. I'm coming.

An inferno to our pockets.

I hate politics

When I was a kid, I hate it coz in order for me to make sense what my parents are talking about, I need to know about the character. For me to know the characters, I need to read, and I hate reading.

Now, I still hate politics. I hate it coz after knowing the characters, consequently I will know about the bad deeds that they did to the rakyat. With the corruption and nepotism and all, you can say that I pretty much loath politics and politicians.

However, my hatred towards them has moved up a notch. They raised fuel prices from rm1.92 a litre to rm2.70 a litre out of nowhere. the rakyat was informed by mere hours to make preparations. This is what happened in one of the fuel stations in Johor Bahru, and I'm pretty much sure that the situation in your area is basically the same.

I don't mind that they are going to increase the price (OK, I do mind a little), but at least give don't make it too sudden. They informed us at 3 pm and it'll be effective by midnight? What the fish?

Even if they are increasing the price, why must it be too steep? 78cents might not be a big deal to them but for us citizens, that's a very very big deal.

Make it gradual increment, if you really need to increase the price. And, make it clear on how the rakyat will be helped. Don't increase the price steeply after giving the rakyat information at the eleventh hour!

Right now, I hate them so much. And apparently, it's not only me who hates them.

Nazmi, my nephew also hates them.

A letter to God

iDear Allah,

Thanks for everything. With Your permission, I can again take another breath and continue to live.

I need your help and guidance right now more than ever. I don't know how to put what I have in mind right now into words. I don't know why, my Lord, but somehow I can't write like I used to write. I know I can write better but somehow, I just can't. My inspiration was gone.

As you know, there are three things that gives me the inspiration to write. First, it's Your permission and your grace. Second, it's nightfall, and third, the girl I love. You know her, don't you? The one from my school... You've watched the whole thing happened..

It's night right now, and I don't know whether You have taken away my ability to write, but I'm struggling right now. The words don't flow out of my hands like it used to. Maybe it's because one of the three things is gone, which is her.

I love her my Lord. I really do, and I still do. I even wrote an undelivered poem about my love to her. But I did something stupid that made her angry and she stopped talking to me. I regret what I have done and I am very sorry for what had happened. If you had given me the power to turn back time, I'd tell my old self not to do what I did.

She is really one of a kind. She's whatever the moon has always meant, and whatever the sun has always sing. See how lousy I am right now? I even have to copy and paste a line of EE Cummings' poem to describe her.

Right now, she won't talk to me. Her anger right now is still burning the same way it has been burning for two years. I did everything I could to work it out, but it failed. I have no one to turn to except You. Only you know how empty it feels inside me. I may look like I'm having the time of my life on the outside, but inside, it's so dark, and empty.

I really hope for your miracle. If somehow she found this letter I wrote to you, I hope she knows how sorry and how much I am suffering right now. And I hope she can forgive me...

But if I'm not worthy of her, please give me a sign...

By the way, I hope you can keep my mom and dad safe during their Umrah. Yes God, they are going to visit your house again on 19th till 30th June. I hope you can protect them and make their journey flow smoothly.

I hope you can keep my remaining grandparents healthy. My younger sister said grandpa has been having weird dreams. She said he has been dreaming about meeting his long dead friends for quite a while now...

If it's not any burden to you, I also hope you can also Bless my friends. My primary schools friends, my secondary schools,my friends during the short communication course in PTPL college, my friends from KUTPM,and all my friends from UiTM. All of them.

All of them have been very good to me, and I value them. They are the people who picked me up when I was down. I know they could have kicked me in the gut back then, yet they chose to pick me up instead. They supported me through my tough times. Thank you for allowing me to meet those wonderful people.

If you can, can you send my regards to Muhammad bin Abdullah bin Abdul Mutallib?

Thank you for letting me live. I know I haven't been among the best of Your servants, yet I'm asking so much from you, but I'm working on it. Thanks again for everything.

Your servant,
safwan