This will be a luahan perasaan post. If you can't stand mushy mushy stuff, feel free to close this window.
If you've read my older blog posts, specifically from Women are from Venus category, I bet you'll know that I never, and I mean NEVER EVER had any special relationships with a girl before. I have no girl to call her "sayang", "baby", and the likes of it. It sucks to see your friends being happier than before that they have someone special, and I'm stuck being girlfriendless.
It's not that I never tried or loved anybody before , but the thing is, when I loved somebody she'll be in one of these situations:
a) single but not available.
Due to principles of life. This one, I can accept it. Who am I to force love out of somebody?
b)Already got one.
I'm not the kinda guy who likes to fuck up other's happiness for my own. It's true that they're not married yet, and even married couples crumble. But it's just not me. I'm no Casanova y'all.
c)The girl is outta my league.
Happens a lot of time. I remember vaguely that one of my Ustaz once said, the husband is supposed to tarbiyyah the wife. I'm not quite sure, but I think it sounds a bit like that. And I'm not a Holy Man. I'm just a dude trying the best he can. Besides being out leagued by her piousness, sometimes her family background also made me kinda afraid... The thing is, people talk. People judge. You can try to explain, but in the end, people still talk. They believe what they choose to believe. I used to be called a pisau cukur, juust because she's an anak datuk. WTF??
And now, I think I can add another on the list.
A few days ago when it was still Ramadhan, I sent out a happy raya message to nearly 100 of my friends. Not bullshitting you. Cost me about Rm10 to send all those.
One of them is a friend of mine, Suharin. Below are messages I sent and replied by "him".
Me : Selamat Hari Raya.. Maaf sangat2 kalo ade wat salah ape2..Free2 dtg la JB...hehehe..
Su : Selamat hari raya jugak! Free2 datang la kedah! Erm.Ni SApE eh?
Me : Ni la Abang leman... (one of my nickname)
Su : Abang Leman? sape ni?
me : ni brother bear la sengal.
Su : Sape brother bear?
Me : serius tak lawak. ni safwan la weh..
su : Ni eira la...orang Kedah... Awak salah nombor kot..
Me : ye ke? eh sorri lar eh...Raya kot...hehehe..... XD
Su : Takpe....
Chis.... Suharin... tukar nombor without telling me.... sampai ati...
I thought it was my last message with her, until the next day, she texted me. At this point, I was kinda curious. Who was I texting? So I decided to get to know her, and I did. Turned out she's a pleasant girl. A younger girl. Sekolah Menengah type of young.
I don't care. I think she's nice. And I feel kinda good talking to her. I don't know why, but it's like taking a breath of fresh air after spending a lot of time sucking polluted city air. In short, it's like being in my kampung in Terengganu, minus the cow shits. We kept in touch via messages and I find her to be a pleasant person to talk to.
A few days later, while I was studying about chess from a book, she texted me.
Her: Hi.... Tgh wat ape tu....?Bz ker?
Me : Eh tak aih..Tgh main chess ngan member...(Padahal main chess sorang2... time tu, I tengah bukak buku, bukak papan chess, recreate chess masters past games and analyze. kalo bgtau dia yang nih, sah2 la dia freak out)
Her : Seronok ker main tu? cam boring jer....
me : Seronok la gak kalo dua2 nerd pasal benda nih....hahaha..
her : ooo ok..... taknak ah kaco awk men chess... slalu org men chess ni nak kena konsentret.....
me : ok.. nite2..
Turned out that it was the last message ever.........
Dammit..... I was about to score.....
Salahkah aku menjadi seorang chess nerd.................?
Adakah chess itu sejenis Instant Chick Repellant...........?