These are my confession

I have a confession to tell you.

It's hard for me to tell you this, and I hope you can digest it and accept it with an open heart.



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Back when I was about 7 years old, I was addicted to TV.

My favorite show was Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.








Oh I loved that show so much, I stopped going to Surau with my dad each Saturday to perform Maghrib Prayers just to watch this show. I'd cry if I missed that show.

I liked them coz they are the justice. They fight evil and do good. They helped to save the earth from the evil witch Rita Repulsa and each day passed without me forgetting to be thankful to God that there was Power Rangers. How gullible I was to believe Power Rangers was real.

Most of the kids during that age were kinda obsessed with Jason, the Red Ranger. He's the strongest, the most stylish and disciplined of them all.

I, on the other hand, liked Kimberly the Pink Ranger.





No, I REALLY REALLY RREEEEAAAALLLLY like her.


Although a bit materialistic, she's kind, loyal, and was friendly. Another reason why I like her so much was I used to like pink and her name was so cool..

Kimberly.

That was a sub-zero cool name in my eyes when I was 7 years old.

I liked her and her name so much that I secretly wished my dad would gave me that name when I was born.


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As I grow up, I finally realized that I am a boy and Kimberly is a girl's name. Besides, Kimberly doesn't really mean anything compared to Safwan. It means the Sincere one, or the Soft one in Arabic. (I think so. Liyana, tolong translate!). But I still think that name is cool.



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Last year, Syamimi, a friend of mine gave me a cactus for my birthday present.





It has grown up a lot since then.

It has grown a branch! Waiting for the flower to blossom! (Will there be any?)

The thing is, I haven't given it a name yet.

Today, since Power Rangers crossed my mind and my cactus is still nameless, I've decided to name it Kimberly.


The name I once secretly wish that was my name.


P/s: Sofia tu nama lain.... Hahaha.....

Kekda says the darnest thing

Last Saturday, I went to my brother's house, and my sister, Kekda was there too. (Kekda is the name I called her since I could speak coz Kakak Aida was too long)

The thing was, that day was the first day she saw me in a new haircut. She said

Kekda: Wang, mu potong rambut eh?

Me: Yep. Bakpe? Hensem?

Kekda: Ah Ye. Macam Simon Cowell.




Me: Hah? Ye Ke? Siot mu Kekda!


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Oh my gosh, where do I start? I mean I'm not being rude to you but you look like the Incredible Hulk's wife.

- to a tuneless contestant whose green sweater is a fashion no-no

The difference between me and that contestant is I AM THE INCREDIBLE HULK. Minus the color and anger management issue.


That was one of Simon Cowell's meanest statements. Mine was

Eh? Dah nak balik dah ke? Bagus. Nak halau pun segan.

- said to one of my most irritating friends ever.

And that earned me two middle fingers and curse words involving a type of animal and my mental state by him. Hahaha.

I guess Simon Cowell and me have a lot of things in common.

Oh, I think I can add another.

Simon and me really need a wardrobe makeover. Like seriously.

I hate these kinds of driver.

When my mother gave me her car, among lots of things she advised me, the one that I remember the most is

"Bawak kereta baik baik. Orang KL bawak kereta ni hati kering sikit. Biar diorang bawak laju2, bawak bahaya2 tapi jangan Wang ikut sekali..."

I said "Yeah Mama!".

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After using the car for almost a year, I think she is right, like always. KL people are really "hati kering". They love to drive fast when they got the chance, they swerve into your lane without giving signals when you are driving fast, and selfish.

But I understand their situation. This is a big city. It's a fast paced society and everything needs to be done quick. Late for even 1 minute, deals will be off, and stock market will be on spiral dive.

There are, however, types of drivers that I never understand. And it's not in KL alone, but one can find these all over Malaysia. And I hate these kinds of driver.


1) Taxi driver

The thing about taxi drivers is that they are the most notoriously "hati kering" driver in Malaysia I have ever met. Why are they so hati kering when they got passengers inside?

There's this one day, I was driving back home from faculty, I arrived at a U turn. It was a taxi driver in front of me.

The taxi driver did a U turn when there was clearly a car speeding from the other side of the road. The speeding car had to do an emergency brake. The tyres screeched to a halt seconds later, stopping to mere inches from the taxi and the taxi driver just sped off as if nothing happened. I took a peek inside the taxi while it passed me, and saw it was full of passengers.

Oi! Ko bawak anak orang la weh! Mati anak orang ko nak tanggung ke?? That is just one of the many examples of taxi drivers' "hati keringness".


2) The butt-kisser and road hogger.

Butt-kisser in this context is not the kaki bodek. Butt-kisser here means following the car in front with barely a gap. This usually happens when a road hogger is present. Road hogger is the car that drives slow in the fast lane.

Both of them are stupid.

There's a slow lane if you want to drive slow for crying out loud!

Malaysian government spent millions to built three lanes a side road and you are choosing to drive slow in a fast lane? Watafak la?!

And why must the butt kisser kiss the ass of the road hogger?

Leave the butt kissing in the office, or when you want extra marks from your lecturer or some place else, but please not on the road... What happens if the car in front had to emergency brake? Eksiden la wei! Bagi horn sudah.



3) The Flasher


Not this kind of flasher,



but the kind of flasher that use the highest beam when the road is well lit. Highest beam yang pulas 2 kali pastu tarik belakang. I hate this kind of flasher. Especially if the car uses the Xenon light, the white light kind.

It's glaring, ok!

Are they that blind? If there's a car from opposite direction, use the middle beam la..You can still see the road and won't blind the car from the opposite direction.. You can find this kind of driver a lot in Shah Alam. And the most irritating part of this is in Shah Alam, most of the main road are well lit.

I can't have a bloody drive without having a bloody idiot coming from the opposite direction with highest beam setting in the night.

Light from the road + High beam from opposite car = Severe headache.


4) The Buck Futter.

Switch the words around to see what it means.

You see, the road sometimes is like an ass. When it comes to asses, things go only one way; OUT. Things should not go in. It's the same like certain roads, where you can only go one way.

So when the signboard says "One way road", it's a one way road.

Don't be a buck futter and come from the other way and honk at me when it was clearly your fault.

The other day, I was passing through a narrow lane and there was this genius coming from the opposite direction. There were cars parked at each side of the lane, and I had to squeeze through them. Worst of it was that my car doesn't have power steering. Imagine how heavy it the steering was. So I lowered my window.


Me: Bro, Ni One way la bro.

Bro: Ape? tak dengar. <-------Ego defense mechanism di sini. Denial nama dia.

Me: Ni one way! (In the most rudest way)

Bro: OOOOOO YEE keee..???? <---------------Ego defense mechanism lagi. Denial lagi.


And he drove past me, nearly coming to an inch from scratching his side mirror to my car.

I was so pissed off with the dude, I cursed him with every swear word I have in my vocabulary.


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So when I found this plaque somewhere in Ole Ole, Section 18 Shah Alam,







I couldn't agree more.

Top secret ain't a secret no more.

Last Saturday, Kekda, my sister made me a guinea pig for her experiment. It was to find out the secret ingredient of Domino's Pizza's super delicious Top Secret sauce Classified Chicken flavor.

Fortunately, her experiment was a success.





I am still living, breathing, and my body functions are behaving normally. None of my body cells have mutated either.

On top of that, it's friggin delicious. It tasted like the real Classified Chicken Pizza.

What a way to celebrate my blog's birthday....

She also made lasagna and bread pudding for that occasion. Thank you Kekda! Ni orang sayang mu nih! Huhuhuhu...


P/s: If you want the recipe for the Top Secret Pizza, there's a HUGE price you'll have to pay... hehehe......

Slip of Tongue is 1 year old!

Slip of Tongue is now 1 year old!

wootwoot! \(^.^)/

Happy, happy!

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I can still recall the day I wrote the very first post in this blog.

It was during Ethnic Relations final exam. At that time, I was stressed out with the paper, and needed a breather. Any paragraph more about Constitution Article 153 and Islam Hadari would make me puke. So I wrote about How I hate exams. Bit stupid really.

And the other posts are from my old Friendster blog.

I do have a Friendster blog, you know? but It's been dead ever since.

It's called Slip of Tongue too. So technically, Slip of tongue is older than 1 year old, I suppose.

I first wrote in my Friendster blog. But I switched it to Blogspot. It's not because of Blogspot is better or anything, but it's because of something else.

At my Friendster blog, I posted an entry about Shakespears' Sonnet 18. I poked fun about the sonnet. In the ending couplet, where it said

So long as men can breath or eyes can see,
so long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

It basically meant that as long as human live and they can read, the beauty of the poet's lover will be eternalized.

You know what I said? I said there's a better way to preserve your beauty if you want to.


Take a friggin picture.


Then we can see the beauty. It tells a thousand words and lasts longer. A couple of days later, a friend of mine, Syikin read that post and gave a comment so menusuk kalbu, I became delirious. That was the first time I was critized. Due to that, I deleted the post and held a grudge against her.

Dem.

Jaga ko.

I swore to flame her back in her blog. But I forgot all about flaming her back the next day. Hahaha. But right now, I hold no grudge against her. She meant well. Allahyarham Usman Awang also said "Kalau takut menulis, jangan jadi penulis." But the damage was done nonetheless. I didn't write any entry for a long time coz of fear of being criticized.

Since then, I became very critical about what I put on my blog. Will this go down well with everybody? Is it grammaticaly correct? Is it this and that? Aziz became my walking talking dictionary and my grammar checker. Bless him.

Nowadays, I am less critical than I used to. I just write what I want to write.

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Blogging at Slip of Tongue has been a wild ride. I look forward to his second birthday...!

Didn't deaf their eyes, didn't blind their ears.

These were the things that happened during Patung Patung 09 Showcase, ordered chronologically from my point of view. Sorry for the delays. Blame the assignments.


12 April 2009


6.00 A.M

Woke up, solat subuh. Thanked Mom coz she woke me up. If she didn't, I'd have slept till way past 10 A.M.


7.00 A.M

Waited for Rapid KL bus to go to the faculty. Dad took my car for a few days coz he wants to go Johor and don't wanna ride bus. Had breakfast at the faculty.


9.00 A.M

Set up the stage, lighting, sound check, plotting, safety check, and technical run through.


1.00 P.M

Had lunch. Chip took me, Acad, and Afiq Dharma to Section 18. Solat as well. (Mak, anak mak tak tinggal solat. Subuh je kadang2) [read:a lot]


2.20 P.M

Touched up stage. Looked amazing.


3.30 P.M

Final rehersal. We did quite well. Liyana came up with some crazy stuff for ad lib. It was damn hilarious. Kesian Chip kena bahan. The girl playing Patung 1 was injured. She pulled a hamstring and cannot dance for a few hours.


5.30 P.M

Solat Asar. Had half and hour of break.


6.00 P.m

A.D said after Solat, put on make up straight away and don't make the Wuduk batal. So I put on make up. Syud applied to me first, but realized halfway that she wasn't wearing gloves, so my wuduk got batal-led. Wasted their make up. I'm sorry....!

After re-Wuduk-ing, Nashrah applied the make up for me.

That the first and last time ever I wear make ups. Hopefully. It was very uncomfortable. I don't know how girls do this everyday. But it turned out quite OK though.





Teased Nashrah during the make up session. When she was trying to put on the blusher, I screamed like hell. It was as if I was in agony or something. She freaked out a bit. And that earned me a hard jab of the blusher brush on my cheek. Hahaha...

Had to resist the temptation to fart for a few hours. It was the hardest thing I had to do, considering I fart every 20 minutes.

7.20 P.M

Solat maghrib in the hall. We're not allowed to leave the hall.

7.50 P.M

A.D conducted the characterization process. He wanted us to use the Method Acting thingy. Basically, the actors had to stay in character from the start of the play till the end of the play. If by any chance the actor had to answer a phone call, the actor had to answer it IN CHARACTER. Kesian siapa siapa yang kena borak2 dengan Chip. He answered all questions as a crazy person.

When A.D conducted the characterization, he asked us to lie flat on the stage. He then told us to imagine this and that, but I had a hard time doing that.


8.15 P.M

That was it. Did my thing. Got my nerves in check, and acted. At the end of my scene, the audience applauded. It was the most exhilarating sensation to hear that.


10.30 P.M

Play ended. I think we did quite well. Azri, the lead actor, was very good. He really played the psycho character very well. There were times that I seriously wanted to stick my foot in his ass coz he scolded Fira, the heroine. I nearly forgot that this was just a play. His ass was saved. Azri was very good.


11.00 P.M

Nashrah sent me home. That night, I turned in early coz I was very tired. But regretted the next morning coz I got Methodology of Teaching Listening and Speaking test for 10% and haven't read a fucking page.

Die Die Die...


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Thanks to Firdaous and Taufik's friends for "helping me out" the next morning.


P/s: I love you. (tiba tiba. hahaha.)



p.p/s: Didn't take any pictures for the night coz phone was out of battery.

Why?

Why do I watch Sepi ove and over again?

Why did they make that damn movie so good?

Why do I weep for Sufi though he's a fiction?

Poor Sufi. :'(


Why did he stab me behind my back?

Why must I care? Bitch slapping him would only make him happier. He's a dumbass.

Why did I trust?

Why do I easily forgive?

Why do I easily forget?

Why?

I ain't a doormat. FAKyu.


Goosfraba..

Goooosssfrabaaaaaa.......

(in Anger Management movie starring Adam Sandler)


Why do human meet just to say goodbye the next morning?

Why do I always hope for the impossible?

why do I always fall for a girl when she's clearly out of my league?

why must i work hard when i know sooner or later when i die, i will leave what i have earned?

Why am I here? I lost my purpose.


Why am I writing this shit when I have pending PTE assignments?

Why am i writing this shit when I should've written about Patung Patung?

Why am I writing this shit when I could've throw myself on my warm mattress wrapped in my thick woolen blankets and just get a few hours of shut eye?

S#it happens. Word.

Won't deaf your eyes, won't blind your ears.

I will be acting in this play. Do come and support ya?

It's a story about a craftsman who lost his awek, and coz of that, he brought her back from the dead by crafting an exact copy. Watch what happens when he became too obsessed with his skill.

Jangan kutuk Anuar Zain. Bahaya.

Bual bual kosong dalam kereta.




Gadis A: Bla bla blab bla.

Me: Tu la pasal. Aku rasa Anuar Zain geboi sebenarnya.

Gadis B: Ye ye je ko. Aku tengok straight cam pembaris je mamat tu.

Me: Geboi Top sebenarnya... Tu tak brapa nampak tu. Logik ke umor da nak tua bangka takde awek? Success lak tu.

Gadis C: Maybe cerewet je kot.

Me: Takde makna. Cerewet2 pon mesti ade nafsu. dia tu skandal pon aku rasa takda.

Gadis A: EHEM2. KO TU CAMNE? Dari lahir single jer. Geboi ke ko?


[speechless]

Sampai hati ko Gadis A. Statement tempah neraka!

Aku tak gay!

Kepada sesiapa yang tengah sedih, sila dengar lagu ini

Marketing FAIL

I don't know about your place, but in Shah Alam, there's a new "in thing" that's been going on in burger stalls around here.

I'm talking about the new menu, "the Oblong Burger".





As the name suggests, everything about this burger is oblong. The bread and the meat.

It's a cool thing, this is.

Pretty much like Prosperity Burger of McDonald's, except that it's all year round.
And for cheaper price to boot.

Word on the street that this burger is really delicious. So I decided to give it a shot.

I went to a burger stall in Section 18 Shah Alam, and immediately ordered one.

I was so hungry at that time, I ate it on the spot.

It was only then that I realize that there was a banner or something promoting this burger.






"90% pure meat"

90% PURE MEAT???

So what does the other 10% stand for??


NEWSPAPERS??


And if this burger is boasting about having the most amount of pure meat,

DOES THIS MEAN THAT THE OTHER BURGERS HAVE MORE NEWSPAPERS INSIDE IT??

Ah, watafak.

Sedap jugak benda alah ni.

Moja will be pissed off with this post. I think.

A good friend of mine, Afnan, challenged me to write something about politics.

As I have always said before, Politic is like a vacuum cleaner; it sucks.

But to hell with it, I'm gonna try anyway. I ain't a wuss.



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One of the assignments for my Methodology of Teaching Listening and Speaking Class (MTLS) was to do a mock teaching individually for 20 minutes..

A friend of mine, Azie went for the topic unity. It was a good lesson. She was not boring at all. After the lesson, she gave us "homework" to be completed, so I did it.

It was only a page of question, but there were no text to refer to. We were asked to listen to a song and did some discussions and then something else I forgot and then it's over. But it was easy questions. Ok la for a 20 minutes lesson.

I completed the homework in about five minutes.

But I think I can do it in three if it weren't for this question.

Tu dia adik kakak.

If this is a real homework in a real school, I'm a dead meat.

Teacher Azie might give me a detention class.