Combs and hair gel is my enemy.

A word of caution: "This post is super long. JIWANG ALERT!"

Irma, sorry it took me so long, but this is my answer to your tag. Kinah, this may answer your tag also...


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People always tell me these.

"Safwan, why don't you comb your hair? And while you're at it, put some gel on."

"Bear, serious, kalo ko sikat rambut, taruk gel, sumpah ko hot."

I always tell them this.

"Actually my skin is very sensitive. If I put on hair gel even just a little, The sweat would dissolve the gel, run down to my face and clog my pores. Then it becomes Jerawat. So when I comb my hair, there's no way the style is gonna last for the day. Can't even to make it to 30 minutes. Might as well I never combed at all."

And they would go like, "Ooh..."

Actually, that is half true. Although it is true that my face grow jerawat if I put on hair gel, there's another incident that made me traumatized of combing my hair.

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I moved to Kl from Batu Pahat when I was Form Two, and I studied at SMK Lembah Keramat. It was the last day of school. My school session was the afternoon session.

I usually go to school by bike, but it must have been broken that day, I can't remember why, but I had to ask my dad to come and pick me up. I waited at a bus stop, almost nearly 7 pm, and was quite pleasantly surprised to see a beautiful girl sitting next to me.

Back then, I was very shy. And I mean VERY VERY SHY. I stammer A LOT when I talk to girls at that time.

But I don't know what magic she casted upon me at that time, I managed to pluck my courage to strike up a conversation with her.


Me: Hi, tak balik lagi ke? Dah nak Maghrib nih.

Her: [Giggles]. Tak, kita tunggu bapak kita... Safwan?

Me: Eh? Camner awak tau nama kita?

Her: Kita satu kelas ngan awak la.....


This beautiful girl is in the same class with me and I didn't notice???!! FOR THE WHOLE YEAR???!!!


Me: Ye eh? Kita tak perasan pon?

Her: Ala...kan kita org yang duduk sebelah Dayah....Cuba ingat balik..

Me: Ya eh? hihihihi.....

Her: Ok lah Safwan, bapak kita dah sampai tu. Bye!


I don't know how I feel about her. It was like something else. Something that made me wanna get to know her more.

I wanna know her.

After that, I prayed, "God, Oh God! Please, let her be in the same class with me the next year..!"

Alhamdulillah, He answered my prayer.

She was in the same class with me. I don't know a thing about her except her name.

From that moment on, I tried to get to know her.

The thing about her was that she always hang out with her cliques.

At that time, (and until now) I never had a girlfriend. So you can just imagine how clueless about girls I was at that time.

I approached her like a stalker.

Thinking back, I was so stupid.

I got close to her friend, so that I can get close to her. From Form 3, I did that until I was in Form 4.

I didn't have a handphone at that time, which I think made me getting close to her a pretty tough job. The only time we would talk is during classes, which is not much.

But from what I can see, she was the kind of girl your mother would want to have as a menantu.

She puts Allah first in everything. Rasullullah second. Al-Quran third. Then her mother, then her mother, then her mother, then her father. So whoever guy fortunate enough to be with her would have to settle for 8th spot.

Very much like Farihah, I think. Come to think of it, the way she talked was unmistakably the same like her.


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Come Hari Terbuka, when parents come to your school to get your report cards, I chatted with a then friend of mine, Nizam. We weren't allowed handphones in school at that time, but he managed to slip it in somehow.

So I checked it out.

I looked through his messages, and saw that he was very close with her. Super close.

I asked him,

Me: Yo, ko kamcing eh ngan Gadis X?

Niz: Agak ah.

Me: Ko bf dia ke?

Niz: Tak ah. Dia dah ada lar. Tapi dengar2 crita dia tgh gaduh hebat ngan bf dia. Nape?

Me: Ntah ah weh. Aku rase cam agak suka gak dia tu....

Niz: Try ah. mane tau jadik.


So, the next day, I braved myself to tell her. I gathered all courage I can find, and was ready to tell her I like her.

So I told her. I didn't tell her how long have I waited for that moment. When she asked me what made me fall in love with her, I said she was beautiful.

And my friends, that shows how clueless I was with girls. If you think right now I am clueless, back then I was even cluelesser.

As expected, she rejected me saying she wanted to give her current relationship a chance. She also said beauty isn't everlasting. There's a lot of girls out there that's far more beautiful than her.

I backed off.

I know a lost battle when I see one.


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Being rejected by a girl for the first time in my life, I can't say it didn't have any impact on me, coz it did.

From Slip of tongue

(2 days after the incident)

After that incident, I was left with a trauma. Ever since that incident, I became afraid of telling other woman I like about how I feel.

I fear rejection from her.

I fear the isolation after her rejection.

And that's what has been keeping me from telling any girl I like about how I feel.

Even if I do manage to pluck out the courage to tell her I like her, it will be too late.

[enter background music: Michael Learns to Rock - 25 minutes]


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Right now, you must be wondering: What do combs and hair gel have got to do with the story of my first crush?

Well, my friends, the fateful day that I confessed to her was the first day I combed and put on hair gel.

(I use my fingers to comb before that, coz dasar selekeh... And I still use my fingers after that incident. Trauma siot!)

Moral of the story: to me, sikat rambut = bad luck.


p/s: If you know who she is, or by any chance managed to figure out through my hints, keep it to yourself.

p/s: This is by far the most tasking post I ever written. 6 hours of staring into this computer spread over 5 days.